Welcome to Squirtonline.com. Elements stolen with permission from Jeffrey Zeldman, God bless 'im. Don't you do it. Instead, tell me you love me. Lie if you have to.

If this is your first time, check out the archives.

 updated June 2, 2009.

We're on Twitter! Now what? We can experiment with answering your questions in lieu of a full blown advice column.

My loan-sharking days are numbered. Read about The Squirtonline Prosper.com Experiment.

Read my Guide on eBay: How to Spot a Fake North Face Womens Nuptse Jacket.

See what I'm selling on eBay! Join my preferred customer list and find out my favorite places for shopping online!

I like to save money by doing nothing and I thought you might, too. Here are three super easy, painless ways to save hundreds of dollars a year. I'm not talking about cutting coupons or filling out rebate forms (not that there's anything wrong with that.)

I live for spring. If any of you are interested in gardening, I'm documenting my experiments with Mail Order Gardening. If a lazy gardener like me can get these plants to grow, I'm sure they'll flourish in your garden!

New Squirtonline essay! Squirtonline's Life Lessons: The Dating Pre-Game. Tell me what you think!

New Squirtonline survey! How I Asked Out My Crush. Ever do something wacky to get your crush's attention? Did it work? Share the wealth!

How to Tell if Someone Likes You was updated. Newest entries are listed first.

And I've been writing epinions.

Chloe needs your questions! She'll be updating the column as soon as she gets a few more quandaries to chew over. This column: Lots of crush advice, betrayals, perverts, confusing signals and a potential poacher.

Or, check out the Advice Archive. You know you want to. 

The peeps speak. This week: A supernatural tale: The Unwanted Lady. She's no lady! Put your tale here, why don'tcha?

Or, check out the Tales Archive. Who knows what's in there?