Due to the volume of responses I receive, I am unable to...um, not really. I'm sure I'll have more than enough time to mull over your question. (I might even get carried away.)

Today's Column: Transitioning from friends to more than friends.

 

Hey Gang!

I've got a lot of people asking me, how can they find out whether their crush likes them, or how can they approach their crush without looking like a dork. Sure, you could check out the Squirtonline survey, How to Tell if Someone Likes You, but some of you bravehearts must have hooked up with your honeys (I sure hope so!) So tell me, what worked for you? Let me know and I can tell the peeps!

Thanks!

 

Dear Chloe,

Well, I've just got some things in mind. There's this girl I like, and we're good friends but I guess I'm starting to like her and I think she likes me, too, so how can I make sure she feels the same way about me as I do for her. Every time we kick it, she and I have a good time but I wanna make sure cuz I don't want to make an ass of myself.

Sincerely,

Phat Toi

 

Dear Phat,

Listen, you're not going to make an ass of yourself, you're ahead of the game since you two are already friends. Getting even that far stops a lot of guys cold, which is why it's so cool that you've started crushing on someone you hang with. It sounds like your relationship has gotten to a great start, so if you can sense things are heating up, what are you waiting for? So many girls are hanging out with guys they like and the guy never makes a move because he wants a sure thing. Meanwhile the girl is knocking herself out trying to give him all kinds of subtle go-ahead signals but the guys are all, how can I approach her yet eliminate any trace of anything that resembles rejection?

Well, let me tell you something. It is so much easier for us girls to start majorly digging a guy when we... like him already. Generally we have to know a guy a bit, decide if we like him or not, before we become attracted to him. Guys aren't like that, right? You can be attracted to a girl the first time you see her. So basically half your battle is won. She likes you. Just don't come on too strong, and you'll be fine.

Giving her a red rose sounds corny, and it is, to everyone but the recipient. I've always thought it was an elegant gesture that sends the message that you're interested in taking the relationship further. Good luck!

 Bonus question!

Dear Chloe,

Ok, my name's Jonathan and I like this girl who goes to my school. She's 16 and so am I, I really haven't known her long cause I've been on home bound since 4th grade. Right now I'm in 10th, I'll be going into 11th next year, anyway. The first time I saw her she just stood out from all the other girls in the lunch room.

She came over to me and told me her name and stuff and I told her mine. She was like the first person who talked to me and was nice to me because in my school 97% of the whole school is white and some peeps at the school are just mean.

Anyway, the only time we have to talk is during lunch and stuff. We don't have any classes together, but she does sit with me a lot and asks me to come sit with her and her friends.

It seems to me that she's just being nice to me like a lot of other girls are at the school, but is there anyway I can find out if she likes me or not? I know, I know just ask her, right?!? I'm too nervous to do that cause in a way I don't know how I would handle it if she said no to me, cause I like her so much.

Every time I see her, she always smiles at me, and it's like if I've had a bad day, her smile just makes the day all worth while. Anyway, if you could give me some advice, I would be thankful.

Sincerely,

Jonathan

 

Dear Jonathan,

Oh, Jonathan, this was one of the sweetest letters I've ever received. From what you say I really like this girl of yours. A girl who befriends the new guy and makes him feel comfortable, why that is someone with an awful lot of class.

It's hard to say if she likes you as more than a friend because she sounds like a very sweet girl. But the signs are excellent in that she smiles when she sees you and makes an effort to bring you into her group. Two very important gestures. (There weren't many like her in my school, that's for sure.) Since you don't know her very well, maybe you could feel her out a little more. Invite her to do something together that's not too much like a date. Like a group thing, her peeps and your peeps. Or maybe you could find out what after-school activities she is involved with and you can join up, too. Get to know her friends, even if she's not with them. (But only if you genuinely like them. Girls hate it when you try to weasel in with them to get to one of their friends. We can tell when you have an ulterior motive.) And don't be all, "Does she like me?" If she does dig you, one of her friends will let you know soon enough after you've gained her trust.

Is it possible for you two to hang out a little after school? I've always liked the "I'm having trouble with this, could you help me?" approach. (It's probably the only way for me to get up the nerve to talk to a guy I really like.) She'll jump at the chance to do you a solid. Even though you don't have the same class together, are you both in a similar course, albeit at a different time? Do a little detective work to see what classes she's enrolled in and take it from there ("I hear you're good in chemistry, could we go over the last chapter?") I think the key here is to spend a little more time with her.

This girl sounds pretty special, Jonathan, and even if she doesn't return your feelings, she obviously likes you as a friend and I think she would be gracious about it. I believe she's worth the risk. Good luck, sweetie!

Hugs and kisses,

 


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So, what's on your mind, sweetie?

 

 

Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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