Due to the volume of responses I receive, I am unable to...um, not really. I'm sure I'll have more than enough time to mull over your question. (I might even get carried away.)

Today's Column: Making the first move.

 

Hey Gang!

I've got a lot of people asking me, how can they find out whether their crush likes them, or how can they approach their crush without looking like a dork. Sure, you could check out the Squirtonline survey, How to Tell if Someone Likes You, but some of you bravehearts must have hooked up with your honeys (I sure hope so!) So tell me, what worked for you? Let me know and I can tell the peeps!

Thanks!

 

Dear Chloe,

What should I say? I don't want him to know I like him. Also, he might not respond to anything physical. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Lisa

 

Dear Lisa,

See, would it kill you guys to give me a little more information to go on? Sheesh. So you don't want him to know that you like him, but you want to try something physical. I'm not sure what that means, but it doesn't sound like a good idea to me. If you mess around it's no guarantee that he likes you, anyway.

Why don't you want him to know? If he doesn't think you like him, he's not going to ask you out. And he'll be a little confused if you make a move on him. Just talk to him like you'd talk to any of your girlfriends. Again, I don't know who this guy is, because you didn't tell me, so it's kind of hard for me to give you suggestions. Is he a guy in your class (Ask a question about the material, borrow his notes, bitch about the test.) Your friend's brother (you can find out from her what he's interested in, and take it from there.) Do you see him around town ("Hey! I know you!") Why not try being his friend?

Some of us tend to put the people we're crushing on, on a pedestal, and that's a mistake. It just ramps up the pressure we put on ourselves to make a good impression. Plus you'll be all tense, which is a turn-off. Even if you say something regrettably stupid, I'd wager the other person has probably forgotten all about it. Liking someone is a major compliment. If he's going to be a jerk about it, who cares? There are a lot more where he came from.

 Bonus question!

Dear Chloe,

My worst problem is approaching girls I've never met before. I freeze up and turn quiet, can you help? Also, how important are looks to a girl? What if you are more interesting on the inside than out? How can you make her see this?

Sincerely,

AJ_Dragonz

 

Dear AJ,

Approaching strangers is one of the hardest moves in the business. There are a couple of schools of thought here. Some people can actually walk right over to any hottie and attempt to strike up a conversation. It's the "throw enough crap at the wall, some of it's gonna stick" method. It requires nerves of steel, lots of self-confidence and a thick skin, but the good news is that the more you do it, the easier it gets. So you get shot down five, ten, twenty times, so what? It's not the end of the world, and you might discover a way to improve your odds along the way. I once hung out with a girl who could do this. I was in awe. I was all, "Doesn't it bother you when they don't..." and she was all, "Nah!"

But that's not for everyone. Check out what I told Woggo, who wanted to know how to overcome his shyness with women. You didn't tell me who or where these girls are. If they're in your school, there's got to be a way for you to meet them. You could do a little detective work to see what after school activities they're involved with. Poll your friends and see if any of them or their friends can introduce you. A little planning ahead can relieve some anxiety. Think of a few things you can talk about so you won't feel so vulnerable. There's nothing wrong with just going up to someone and introducing yourself, but if you don't have anything to say after that...it gets awfully awkward and uncomfortable awfully fast.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself, and try to keep a relaxed attitude. Of all the things I've done to meet guys, the best way for me was to ask for his help after class. After that it was so much easier to talk to him.

If the chicas you want to meet are just girls you see around, I'm not sure what you can say. Women are wary about strangers coming up to them. At least, I am. It makes me feel uncomfortable, but that might be because of where I'm from and how I was brought up. It's important to establish some sort of connection or common ground first, to put her at ease.

Now, how important are looks to us? It totally depends. To some girls they're very important, but generally, looks are less important to us than they are to guys. Guys have an advantage here, because (and I can't speak for every woman) a girl isn't attracted to a guy when she first meets him. She has to like something about him first. (It could be anything, his smile, his eyes, the way he laughs or carries himself. Politeness always scores points.) In fact, there are plenty of really good looking guys that we're not attracted to. Sure, it's easier to go out with someone new if he's good looking, but if we don't like him as a person, it's not going to work out no matter how fine he is. So you have to show her what fabulous character you have, like maybe be her friend, first. I mean, really, would you want your girlfriend to be with you only because she thinks you're hot? Of course not.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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