Due to the volume of responses I receive, I am unable to...um, not really. I'm sure I'll have more than enough time to mull over your question. (I might even get carried away.)

Today's Column: Figuring out friends of friends of friends.

 

Hey Gang!

I've got a lot of people asking me, how can they find out whether their crush likes them, or how can they approach their crush without looking like a dork. Sure, you could check out the Squirtonline survey, How to Tell if Someone Likes You, but some of you bravehearts must have hooked up with your honeys (I sure hope so!) So tell me, what worked for you? Let me know and I can tell the peeps!

Thanks!

 

Dear Chloe,

On a night out with some friends, I met this girl for the first time, although I knew she was one of my best friends' sister's friends and she had been going out with someone else.

It turned out that we got on really well, and basically we spent about 7 hours talking (during which time she was very "touchy-feely") and being totally isolated from the rest of the people there. During this time I found out she was "on a break" from her boyfriend, but being very shy, I didn't try anything, but saw her a few more times while out with friends again, where we still got on really well. Then in the last month I've seen her several times again, but she has completely ignored me, although I have no idea why. It has me totally at a loss and I just wondered what your opinion of this was.

Sincerely,

Dave

 

Dear Dave,

You didn't do anything wrong, except perhaps play it a little too timid (assuming this is someone you consider snogworthy).

Here's my take on your sitch. Her cold shoulder (I hate the cold shoulder) could be caused by a couple of things:

  1. She got turned off because you never made a move.
  2. She's back with her boy.
  3. She's embarrassed that you didn't make a move, and thinks you're not interested after she spent all that time talking with you.
  4. She just broke up with her boyfriend, and she's not ready to jump into another relationship right now.
  5. She doesn't know what she wants (but it sure sounded like she was digging you).

Sometimes the solution is so obvious, we never think of it. Since you're not sure what the story is with this gal, why don't you try talking to her again? Don't assume she's ignoring you. Maybe she thinks you're ignoring her!

I remember once complaining about some girl who I thought was needlessly giving me attitude. My brother asked simply, "Did you smile at her? Say 'Hi'?"

I was all, "Er, um...no." Really, I was stunned at this simple idea, and I certainly felt foolish for being so uppity. Being open and friendly to someone who may or may not be giving you the cold shoulder is a powerful, quick and easy way to disarm them. (It's good to be like that to everyone, actually.) I say "may or may not" because usually we are listening to an internal dialog that has nothing to do with reality. So grant her the benefit of the doubt. If she doesn't warm up to you after that, so be it. Count your blessings that you were able to cut your losses before you actually lost anything.

I will give someone I don't know very well two (2) tries without a response before I write him or her off. If he or she doesn't reciprocate after I've made two attempts, whether it is an unreturned message or what have you, I'll just assume that I'm wasting my time. Likewise, (since I'm lazy about returning non-crucial phone calls - I really don't enjoy talking on the phone) I will hustle to return someone's call if they call me twice before I get back to them. (This applies only to social situations, I am much more conscientious in a business venue.)

 Bonus question!

Dear Chloe,

There's a girl I like and I can't figure out whether she likes me or not. She is my friend's girlfriend's best friend if that makes any sense (heh) and originally she took no interest in me at all, only saying "Hi" sometimes to be polite. But lately, when I'm out on a Friday, she always seems to be close. At first I thought it was just me being silly but as the weeks go on I'm pretty sure it's not. She is never more than a few steps away. She is always accidentally rubbing against me, bumping into me, etc. which is confusing as she still doesn't talk to me at all. Do you think she likes me or is she just playing around?

Sincerely,

DGenX

 

Dear D,

In the words of the hapless Charlie Brown, "AUUGH!"

Is it possible that this girl is shy? What you thought was her being polite might have been her being shy. Sometimes shy folks give an impression of being snobby or stuck up when we're actually just being lazy.

Even so, I don't care if you two were previously introduced and she gave clear, unmistakable signs following, that she wasn't interested. Because her moves NOW are straight out of the handbook.

See, girls are apt to change their minds when they continually see someone around. I know I have. Sometimes it takes a few sightings before I realize I'm attracted to a guy. In fact, it's rare that I'll like someone right away. I can't stress this enough. One of my girlfriends turned down her husband for years before she finally accepted a second date from him. (When I asked him what made him pursue her after three years of rejection, he said, "I don't know." I think she must have been giving him subconscious signals or something, because usually when we have to turn someone down repeatedly like that, we definitely don't want to have anything to do with him. I mean, you've got to know the difference between persistence and harrassment. Sorry if that's confusing.)

That may be what happened here, especially if she's aware of your feelings toward her. Because, as I've mentioned, liking someone is a major compliment. It's flattering. So she gets to thinking, what about D? Could I? Would I? And she considers and fantasizes until before you know it, she's got a full-blown crush and appearing at your elbow every time you turn around.

Dude, she is desperately trying to get your attention so you will start a conversation with her. If you have already been introduced, perhaps she thinks that is all she has to do. Maybe she is embarrassed by her behavior before her change of heart so she feels the ball is in your court. I'm just making a lot of assumptions here. She's being a little silly, but if you like her, why don't you talk to her before she gives herself a concussion? I'm sure she would be grateful if you did.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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