Due to the volume of responses I receive, I am unable to...um, not really. I'm sure I'll have more than enough time to mull over your question. (I might even get carried away.)

Today's Column: Staying friends means just that, no ifs, ands or booty calls.

 

Dear Chloe,

I have liked this guy for the past year. I told a friend that I liked him and she asked him if he would ever give me a chance and he said yes. Meanwhile, after I graduated, he started dating another girl who he assumed was his guardian angel and then they broke up and aren't even friends anymore. He then emails me telling me he wants me to send him pics of my new hair style and when I show him he said I look gorgeous. Then he added how beautiful my eyes were. He asked me to hang out and stuff...but I have no idea what he is thinking cause he told me awhile back he just wanted to stay friends. He is confusing me...and it's driving me crazy.

Sincerely,

lildirty77

 

Dear lildirty,

How long has it been since he stopped speaking with his "guardian angel?" Excuse me while I wait for my eyes to stop rolling at the back of my head.

You always have the option of asking him what the deal is. That's a fair question, given his confusing behavior. If it's soon after his breakup, he might not be ready for another relationship. But he knows you are, so all he has to do is give a compliment here and there and you will keep hanging around, wondering if he's changed his mind about "staying friends." Of course, today's staying friends usually means "but I'm not against a booty call or two, no strings attached!" Which we all know would be great for him, really bad news for you.

And speaking of friends, keep your sabotaging girlfriends out of it next time. She didn't do you any favors. Imagine if some guy's friend came up to you and said, "Would you ever give Jimmy a chance?" Even if you maybe liked Jimmy, wouldn't that kind of turn you off? It'd turn me off, and once you get a little turned off, it's good night, Charlie. Really, the lame find-out-if-he-likes-me tactic should have been left back in high school. It's not in the playbook of righteous young women (or men).

Because the bottom line is...he hasn't actually asked you out yet, has he? I'm not really impressed with the emailing and the "hanging out and stuff." That's so easy. When someone says he wants to stay friends, please believe him. Leave yourself available for someone who is wondering if you would ever give him a chance.

 Bonus question!

Dear Chloe,

Hey, I'm 19 and embarrassing as it is I've never kissed a girl. It's not as you would first imagine, geek in anorak kinda thing (lol) it's just that I'm always seen as a friend, someone to talk to, rather than anything more. Now I know for a fact that someone I like, likes me, too but I'm SO nervous about it as I'm not sure I would even know what to do if the situation came up and it's getting me really down, any advice?

Sincerely,

PoolPro

 

Dear PoolPro,

I have BEEN there, my friend, and it's not so uncommon as you would think. The first time I kissed a boy I really liked, I was eighteen and I was so nervous I was trembling.

The biggest problem is that you're thinking about it too much. Too too much. Back then a girlfriend advised me to try to relax, keep my lips soft. Since you have an army of girlfriends to talk to, you might ask someone you trust for advice. Or even glance through some books for ideas, which will help your confidence. I wouldn't worry about the kiss. Ask her for a date, and just go with the flow. You'll know when the time is right. Do what she does - many girls like to teach by example - be gentle, don't ram your tongue down her throat, and don't slobber. Explore areas around her mouth, chin, neck. There's nothing wrong with asking her, "do you like this?" In fact, she'll love it if you do. Kissing is something that takes a little practice, but it's not rocket science, so don't sweat it!

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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