Squirtonline's advice columnista now updates twice a week! Tell Chloe what's troubling you (but take her advice with a grain of salt.)

Today's Column: Problems with the boyfriend, a budding sexual harasser, approaching women and more.

 

Dear Chloe,

It's Amanda..well..you know, here's my problem.

I coupled with a guy a month ago. We are still together now. But, there's a problem. When we are online on ICQ, we don't know what to say to each other, so we don't seem like we're coupled (well...we did chat a little)...Then this morning, he called me but my phone was engaged. So he went online and I was online, too. He told me that he thought I was online because my phone was engaged. Then after talking a little crapz (well..something like that) he asked me have I anything to say. Then he said, nevermind, and he just went offline.

I know that he has a tuition half an hour later...but after that I went offline and called him. I asked him why he went offline, and he said because he had nothing to say...Then I asked him what time is his tuition, and he said it's now. So...we just put down the phone.

So do you think that he is going to break up with me although he is not the playboy type? And there's one more thing. He will be in the morning section next year, while I will be in the afternoon section. We will not be able to see and talk to each other...only twice or thrice a week...What can I do about this? I am so worried he is going to break up with me because I really like him a lot...What should I do now? Please help me. Thanks, Chloe.

Sincerely,

Worried Amanda

 

Dear Amanda,

Your lack of communication is a symptom of whatever's wrong with this relationship. What drew you two together in the first place? Why do you like him? Is your reticence just an ICQ thing or an all-the-time thing? Your bond has to be based on something, but generally, to like someone you must know him, and you get to know him by sharing with him, and vice versa. If you can't open up to each other, your relationship is doomed. Put yourself out there first, and see if he responds.

Relationships require work, but it shouldn't be this hard to get a conversation going. If you can't find any common ground, perhaps it's time to let him go. It kinda sounds like he's ready to check out anyway, and if he's not getting anything out of this relationship, whether he's a player or not is irrelevant. It's no big thing, Amanda. All it means is that this particular relationship has run its course and usefulness.

 

Dear Chloe,

This guy on my bus touches butt and boobs. Should I tell on him, or touch him back if you know what I mean?

Sincerely,

Kurtr1808

 

Dear Kurt,

Sexual harassment in schools is illegal under Title IX of the 1972 Education Act. Feminist.org contrasts flirting and sexual harassment (and it's where I found the following information).

In Back Off! How To Confront and Stop Sexual Harassment and Harassers, Martha Langelan recommends taking these steps: (They're intended as a guide for a woman confronting a man, but with a little modification are appropriate for a guy-guy confrontation.)

  • Do the unexpected: Name the behavior. Whatever heís just done, say it, and be specific.
  • Hold the harasser accountable for his actions. Donít make excuses for him; donít pretend it didnít really happen. Take charge of the encounter and let people know what he did. Privacy protects harassers, but visibility undermines them.
  • Make honest, direct statements. Speak the truth (no threats, no insults, no obscenities, no appeasing verbal fluff and padding). Be serious, straightforward, and blunt.
  • Demand that the harassment stop.
  • Make it clear that all women have the right to be free from sexual harassment. Objecting to harassment is a matter of principle. Stick to your own agenda. Donít respond to the harasserís excuses or diversionary tactics.
  • His behavior is the issue. Say what you have to say, and repeat it if he persists.
  • Reinforce your statements with strong, self-respecting body language: eye contact, head up, shoulders back, a strong, serious stance. Donít smile. Timid, submissive body language will undermine your message.
  • Respond at the appropriate level. Use a combined verbal and physical response to physical harassment.
  • End the interaction on your own terms, with a strong closing statement: ďYou heard me. Stop harassing women.Ē

You've got to nip this perv in the bud. If he doesn't stop, tell your principal, school counselor, or a teacher you trust.

 

Dear Chloe,

Hi! My name is Michelle. I know this boy in school... and on Halloween we had a dance... His friends kept asking me if I wanted to dance with him. I said yes, then I took his hand and took him to the dance floor with my girl friends but he wasn't dancin'.

He dressed up like a baby and I took his bonnet (I was flirting) and asked him who the baby was now... He said, you are, and tried to squeeze my cheek but I avoided him...We were about to dance but the dance ended and we were too late...He asked me to put his bonnet on for him and I did, and I squeezed his cheek...He promised me he will dance with me on the next dance.

That was when I started to have feelings for him. The next day we didn't talk because I think we were both shy to approach each other. The next day, my so-called friends said they were going to bug him until he goes out with me...I said no, but they still did it anyways and wouldn't stop even though I told them to. He said no, he didn't want to go out with me in a weird and shy way...

I still really like him a LOT! But do you think he still likes me? What can I do to become something special with him? Should I make the move or wait for him? Should I just forget about him? What should I do with my so-called friends? Please help me out...

Sincerely,

BabyBlueFire

 

Dear Baby,

He said he wasn't interested as a reflex to being confronted by your gang of girls. There's nothing quite as annoying as being sabotaged by "friends."

I wouldn't give up on the lad so soon. Definitely approach him, if only to apologize for your friends' immature behavior. Invite him to something casual. And tell your buttinski girlfriends to grow up.

 

Dear Chloe,

Whenever I'm out with my buds, I almost always see a girl that I think I might like to try and chat to or something, but I am always puzzled with what I should say to get the ball rolling. I feel like I'll just make a dick of myself.

What should I do?

Sincerely,

Joshhanna

 

Dear Josh,

You and every other guy! Don't put so much pressure on yourself. What's the worst case scenario -- that you don't hit it off. Well, so what? It's a major compliment that you want to talk to her, so if she gives you an attitude, politely cut your losses and move on.

I can't speak for all women, so I'll just say what appeals to me. Players are a turn-off. But it's very disarming if a guy does something goofy. It proves you don't take yourself too seriously - which always scores points. Watch her body language before you approach her. Make eye contact, give her a grin. A smile and a quick introduction go a long way. Then you could just comment on what's going on around you. If you want to buy her a drink, order another of what she's already having, but don't act like she owes you anything.

If you can come up with some stupid little story that somehow relates to what you're doing or where you are, that would be cool. ("You should have seen what happened the last time I was here...") That little ace-in-the-hole will give you a confidence boost. The number one rule is to be yourself. It's really hard to pull off some other guy's mack.

Having said that, there will always be girls who are primarily interested in what you look like, what you make, what you drive, etc. I can't help you there. But most women prefer personality over looks. You've seen so-so guys with hot girlfriends. Most of them have a great sense of humor.

 

Dear Chloe,

I've been crushing on this guy, A, for like half a year now. I smile at him when we walk past each other, but he doesn't smile back at me. Occasionally, he starts a conversation and we start arguing (the fun way, with smiles and laughter). I notice he does that to other girls too, so what does he mean?

Sincerely,

Word Painter Cassie

 

Dear Word,

He's not making much of an effort, is he? If you want anything to happen between the two of you, you'll have to make the first move. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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