Squirtonline's advice columnista now updates twice a week! Tell Chloe what's troubling you (but take her advice with a grain of salt.)

Today's Column: Boys asking about girls and girls asking about boys.

 

Dear Chloe,

I am very interested in this guy. He just got out of a horrible relationship. He knows I like him, and he says I am the greatest person he ever met, and that he loves to be around me. He always gives me signs that he likes me but never comes out and says it. He is also very shy, so should I say something to him? Is he just using me as a fill in, or does he like me, but he is just scared of relationships? Is there a chance here or am I just wasting my time waiting?

Sincerely,

Cms

 

Dear Cms,

That depends. If he just ended an awful relationship, he should be gun-shy about getting involved with someone again so soon. Has he already healed himself from that experience, or is he not dealing with it?

It sounds as if he likes you, but I don't know what his intentions are. What's your rush, lady? A lot of people fall into the category of "action, not words." If he does things that shows he cares, why do you need to hear him say it? I think you're being kinda selfish. Step off a bit, hang out, and stop waiting for his declarations of love. Don't pressure him. Be patient and let this relationship develop its own course. When he knows what he wants, and I'm not sure he does yet, you'll know, too.

 

Dear Chloe,

I've had a crush on this guy since the 7th grade and the problem is that we never talked. Now that I moved to another city, I can't see him any more and I'm really sad. He always stared at me and stuff like that but I couldn't tell if he liked me or not. Can you give me an advice, please?

Sincerely,

QTGurl15

 

Dear Q,

Yes, stop mooning over someone you didn't really know and won't see again. It doesn't matter whether he liked you or not because you guys never spoke to each other.

They'll be another guycrush. So what will you do next time? Wait around for him to never make a move? Or take a chance and talk to him first? I kinda sorta believe in fate but I also think that you have to make a little bit of effort, too.

 

Dear Chloe,

There's this man who does something new every time I see him.

When he walks into a room he looks at me and then he always comes across and kneels down to talk to me if I am sitting down.

He touched my forearm for ages and when I pulled away he apologised.

Then one day we were talking and my mobile phone started ringing and he said, "Oh, is that your boyfriend?" and I said no.

Then he told me he would never shout at me.

Then he was talking on the phone once and he winked at me.

He has only done these things once.

Does he like me?

Sincerely,

ameredith

 

Dear A,

It sounds like he's trying to weave his weird-playa magic on you. He's coming off a bit creepy in my book. What's with the "never shout at you" comment?

I can't tell what the circumstances are here, whether it's an office or social situation where you see him. He's a flirt, definitely, but I wouldn't take it too seriously. What do you want to happen? If you're interested, why not touch his forearm and give him a wink or two?

 

Dear Chloe,

Hi my name is Luke, I was just wondering if you could give me some advice on how to pick up chicks, I have never been with one and always get scared when I talk to them. It is ok when I know them, but when I don't, I think I am going to get the nerves and start shaking which has happened. Could you please help me by giving me some topics, and tips on how to tell whether she wants me or not? Thanks, I would appreciate that very much.

Sincerely,

Luke

 

Dear Luke,

Yours is a common complaint. I think the number one thing to remember is to not take yourself so seriously. Don't try so hard, don't put so much pressure on yourself. The worst case scenario is that you don't hit it off. Well, so what? It's a major compliment that you want to talk to someone, so if a chick gives you an attitude, politely cut your losses and move on.

It's very disarming if a guy does something goofy. Even in the unlikely event that you embarrass yourself, you've got the makings of a good story you can use later. Self-deprecation usually scores points, as long as you don't overdo it. Watch her body language before you approach her. Make eye contact, give her a grin. A smile and a quick introduction go a long way. If she returns your smile, great. Then you could just comment on what's going on around you. If you want to buy her a drink, order another of what she's already having, but don't act like she owes you anything.

If you can come up with some stupid little story that somehow relates to what you're doing or where you are, that would be cool. ("You should have seen what happened the last time I was here...") That little ace-in-the-hole will give you a confidence boost. The number one rule is to be yourself. I can't tell you how to get your own groove started, but when you take risks you build confidence, which in turn enables more risk-taking. Girls don't want to feel like they're being picked up. If you come on too strong, that's a turn-off.

It also helps if your friends can introduce you to people -- their friends, cousins, friends of cousins, whatever. Since you admitted it's easier for you to talk to girls you know, join some kind of girl-friendly club or activity. This shows you share a common interest, it's a low pressure situation, and it gives you things to talk about. Other topics of conversation are classes, teachers, tests, mutual friends, movies, sports, video games, tv shows, places you've been, pets, current events, music, books, a favorite web site or something cool you've seen on the internet. Anything, really - the same stuff you talk about with your guy friends. Stuff you do in your free time is a safe area, too, but never try to strike up a convo with, "What are your hobbies?" And it's probably best not to talk about other girls, unless they are mutual friends. The Don Juan site has tips for you, but I can't vouch for them personally. I did like a tip I read there - always ask for her phone number. Then you never have to wonder, "Should I have gotten her digits?" If you feel the shakes coming on, don't sweat it. Just ignore them and they should go away. I blush at the slightest provocation, and that's how I deal when my cheeks heat up.

Having said that, there will always be girls who are primarily interested in what you look like, what you make, what you drive, etc. I can't help you there. But most women prefer personality over looks. You've seen so-so guys with hot girlfriends. Most of those guys have a great sense of humor or lots of self-confidence, or both. Good luck!

 

Dear Chloe,

I really like this girl but I don't know if she likes me. She doesn't talk to me much, but she looks at me a lot and turns when I see her doing it. What should I do?

Sincerely,

big_floppy

 

Dear flop,

You always have the option of initiating conversations and asking her out. Sure it's risky, but it's worth it and the only sure way to know if she likes you or not.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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