Squirtonline's advice columnista now updates twice a week! Tell Chloe what's troubling you (but take her advice with a grain of salt.)

Today's Column: Boys asking about girls and girls asking about boys. Like last week, but different.

 

Dear Chloe,

Well, I like this guy I know, but I don't really talk to him because he never talks to me. The biggest reason why we don't talk is cause he's always with his friends and I'm with mine, but if we were alone, we would talk. I know some of his friends but I don't know if he likes me. He stares at me a lot and blushes when we talk. Sometimes I can see him staring at me from the corner of my eye. He doesn't talk to me and I don't talk to him because I'm too shy and don't know what to say. One time when we did talk, we both didn't know what to talk about. I dunno if he's shy or if he just doesn't like me.

Sincerely,

sweetNghetto_thang

 

Dear sweet,

So you're both shy, and you don't know what to say to each other. That does make things difficult.

Difficult, but not impossible. It just involves a little extra effort from you, maybe step outside of your comfort zone. First, decide whether you're up to it or not. I think he likes you -- the blushing is a giveaway (aww, so sweet). And girls are pretty good at deciphering body language - isn't he sending you some kind of groovy vibe? You know his friends, why can't you ask them about him? They'll pass on the word to you-know-who.

Think of things you can talk about. Isn't there something you two have in common? Are there any after school activities that he belongs to, that you could join, too? Do you share a class? When you're both doing the same thing at the same time, it's a lot easier to get a convo going. Ask him for help with something -- always a great ice-breaker. You could invite him to do something not too threatening, i.e. not just the two of you.

There are a lot of shy guys out there, unfortunately, which means sometimes that making a move falls on our shoulders. I'm sure he would be very grateful if you did.

 

Dear Chloe,

I've been completely gaga over this guy for over a year now, and of course he doesn't know it. Saying I'm a shy person is quite the understatement...He's a friend of my sister and I've been too bashful to make an effort to establish anything with him, so the only times I see him are when we go out with my sister. He's the sweetest guy, he makes me laugh like nobody else I know, and he's rather protective of me when we go out. He's kinda older than me, but as far as maturity goes, we're on the same level. We talk and all that (only when I see him), but sometimes when it's just us alone, there's this horrible awkward silence and we don't even look at each other. Generally when I'm around him, I'm too shy to even talk to him anyway. He's usually the one to initiate conversations.

Anyway, about two weeks ago when we all went out, he took me away from the crowd so we could sit somewhere alone. We were both kinda drunk, but I was fully aware of what was going on. Anyway, he started making the moves on me, and then he kissed me. I was afraid of what my sister would do if she found out, so we decided not to tell her, and we haven't talked about it since. I think about him all the time and this is just driving me crazy. It's been two weeks since that kiss, and I don't have the guts to even bring it up and question any feelings he may have for me. Do I stand a chance with him or should I give it up?

Sincerely,

aoi_mitsukai

 

Dear aoi,

First of all, you've got to square things with your sis. What's her deal -- does she like him too? Why would she mind if you and her friend dated? Because unless she's in denial, she must have caught wind of the sparks that have been flying. Try to get her blessing. Be nice to her and stuff.

Secondly, you and this guy are overdue for a little talky-talky. The bashful jag just doesn't cut it. He initiates conversations with you, makes you laugh, he enjoys your company, so why is it so hard for you to say something to him? It's one thing if your sister puts the kabosh on this budding relationship. But if you write this guy off, and I think that would be a mistake, what will you do the next time you find someone you really like? You're not making any progress.

And don't confront him about his feelings for you. You're gaga, so own up to it. Tell him that you like him. I mean, what's the risk factor here? He's already made plenty of moves. Just try to ignore the fact you're crushing on him. Talk to him like he's any other guy.

 

Dear Chloe,

I like this girl, and she seems to like me, too. She is always playfully hitting me, and one time she waved to me from her car to mine. When I didn't see her, she brought it up later with me. When we walk, we playfully link arms, etc.

The problem though, is that she likes to flirt with other guys too. Not too much or anything, but when I'm around, she REALLY emphasizes how cute that guy who just passed was. Or her past flirts.

What does it mean! Aag. I'm dyin' here, please give me an answer.

Sincerely,

Confuzzled

 

Dear Con,

She's just testing you. She wants to see if you get jealous. It's an immature tactic to boost her self-esteem. Plus she wants to show you that she's popular with other guys who find her attractive - it gives her stock a lift. Who wants to date someone nobody else will?

Some people like to flirt -- it's no big thing. You say it's not too bad, so don't worry about it. If you like her, ask her out already. I'm sure she'll stop talking about how cute all those other guys are.

 

Dear Chloe,

I'm a guy studying at Uni ... I feel a bit paranoid about my looks .. either I'm the best looking person on earth, or the ugliest! I'm dead serious ..I only say that since every time I walk past a girl or vice versa, they always put their head down ... is that a good thing or bad thing?

Secondly, sometimes I lift my head up in the lecture or anywhere and I see a girl looking at me and as soon as there is eye contact she quickly looks away...why??!!!

Finally, is it normal for females to play games ??? What I mean is, they look at you one day and the next day they don't .. and the day after that they look at you again and so on ...I feel on the edge always.

Any kind of help will be greatly appreciated ... this is really getting frustrating! he he ...

Oh, and one other thing ...I know this girl at Uni who always stared at me (not to mention me eyeballing her!) ... Well, she doesn't anymore .. she avoids eye contact fully now .... I have never spoken to her or anything but does that mean she's no longer interested, frustrated, didnt like me at all ???

Very very confused ! ...And one other thing ... many guys tell me I'm handsome or good looking (the guys I'm referring to are my friends)...but I care more for what the other species (and beautiful might I add) ...Thanks.

Sincerely,

Abraham

 

Dear Abraham,

Oh boy, a letter from the cutest guy at Uni.

Why didn't you just send me a pic? I could clear up this mystery chop-chop. (No, don't).

So girls are staring at you and your friends say you're hot. Obviously, you're good looking. Like you didn't know.

You may be too intimidating to approach, which will give you an "untouchable" rep. At some point, dude, you're going to have to make a move. If you see girls are giving you their bedroom eyes, but you don't do anything, they're going to assume that you're not interested (or gay). And approaching some hot guy who doesn't seem interested (or gay) is the hardest move in the business.

Yes, girls play games. But shy girls (including me) have trouble maintaining eye contact with guys we find attractive. We feel, you know, vulnerable. It's even worse when we're checking out a cowboy that everyone finds attractive. We figure an Adonis has plenty of opportunities, and surely he's not afraid to approach women!

But get over yourself, because looks aren't everything. A guy who's stuck on himself, as rare as that is, turns us off faster than a New York minute. Self-confidence, respectfulness and a sense of humor are more important. Try to forget about how great-looking you are -- if you see someone you'd like to know better, smile and introduce yourself. Start with the girl you've been ogling on campus. If you never follow up with anyone, Abraham, they'll never follow up with you.

 

Dear Chloe,

I'm from Trinidad, but I'm in Florida right now. I'm more upfront with girls in my country than up here. I think it's my accent I'm afraid about -- they might not understand me. So I'm asking you what should I do.

Sincerely,

Tomax

 

Dear Tomax,

Speak clearly and take things slow. Don't be too aggressive. Observe what other guys, your peers, do. Pay attention to body language. People with accents in America are nothing new.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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