Chloe's so sorry she's waaay behind with her column. Please be patient, she'll get to all of your questions eventually!

Today's Column: Boys asking about girls and girls asking about boys. Like last week, and the week before, but different.

 

Dear Chloe,

I like this girl who works for my dad, I have gone out with her a few times but when we went out she was in a relationship already....Anyways she always flirts with me, as well as other guys. She just dumped her boyfriend and now everyone is telling me I should get with her....But I don't know what to say to her, I have been ignoring her lately (because she had a boyfriend)...Anyway, if you understand my problem, please tell me what I should do?

Sincerely,

a guy with problems

 

Dear Guy,

I'd beat it away from this bad-news chick. Generally, people who "date" while they're already in "relationships" have proven they're not "trustworthy." And you can't have a successful, healthy relationship without trust.

I don't know why everyone is insisting you "get" with her -- all I see is trouble ahead. "They" need to shut their "pieholes."

 

Dear Chloe,

Alright ... I have a statement and a question.

STATEMENT: Seemingly - to males I am a super confident female. I own two successful businesses at a young age (late 20's). I'm aware that I am cute. I am outgoing and always on the go (which I THINK makes most men think I am too busy for them??). I'm very much involved in the recording industry and steer clear of musicans because of it. ONLY deal with them on a professional basis. NOW...I'm totally smitten by one whom I THINK - thinks I would never be interested in him. Although he cleverly flirts with me by instant messaging me, but has never called. When I see him in person - he doesn't really talk to me; although all of the other band members do. He tells me SUPER personal things about his life and childhood, but in a very "no big deal" kind of way. He has asked me come to a show, but I didn't. I told him to go to a show that I thought he would enjoy and then he told me that he thought it would be unprofessional to hang out with me. Plus he had made plans. I was obviously not suggesting that HE went with me to this show - just for him to go. Then he makes an insane statement that "music, drinks and the beach equal a date". I never said anything about drinks . And I said way earlier in the conversation "I" WAS GOING TO WALK ON THE BEACH because "I" hadn't put my toes in the sand in a year. And then he said he would take a "raincheck" - "most definitely". I am just so confused!

QUESTION: HOW DO I FIND OUT IF HE IS INTO ME?!!? I just haven't a clue. And I am NOT going to JUST ask him "hey do you like me?" Puhhhleeeaase.

Sincerely,

Seemingly Super Confident Girl

 

Dear Seemingly,

Isn't that cute, you labeled your statement and question for me...

Anyhoo, you're all over the place here. You say you only deal with musicians on a professional basis, but then you're wondering why this guy can't tell you like him...I mean, it doesn't sound like you know what you want so how can he?

Do you have the rep that you don't mix business with pleasure? Because he seems hesitant to cross that line (although it appears he wants to). He's probably waiting for a clear sign from you. Which you're not giving. He invites you to a show, and you blow him off. Why? Plus all your confusing posturing -- in my book, drinks, music and beach equals a date, too. You're fighting when you should be flirting, if that is what you want.

I would never suggest asking him directly if he likes you. Puhhhleeeaase. You might ask his bandmates about him, or make an effort to talk to him when you're all together. Or you could invite him somewhere, that you, he, and an objective third party would all agree unequivocally, is a date. If he says yes, well, there's your answer.

 

Dear Chloe,

As always, it all started with a boy. Heís a grade below me in school, but heís smart, funny, and we have an awesome time together. I know that he has feelings for me, and the more time I spend around him I feel the same way about him. I look forward to seeing him all the time, and think about him every day.

... but thereís a catch. About a year ago, my older sister started dating a guy that my mother absolutely hates: his looks, his personality, and the way he treats my sister drives her up the wall! In spite of my motherís concern, my sister has been dating this guy for over a year now, and has avoided the family ever since. This, of course, broke everyoneís heart. My sister was always so nice and agreeable, and it made me feel awful that she would stop seeing the family because of something like this. I told my mother that I would listen to her if she ever told me a boyfriend of mine was no good.

Now when I think about this boy that I just met and how things could be, my mom pops into my head. I keep worrying what she would think if I started dating him, or brought him over to our house for dinner. Would she hate him? In the past when this problem came up, I decided that boys would come and go, but that my mother was more important. Now, a year later, I realize that I canít avoid people I may really care about because of what other people may think--- even if it is my mom. How can I do this without hurting anyone? Please help!

Sincerely,

Girl Gone Crazy

 

Dear G,

Whoa! You are totally jumping to conclusions.

Your guy sounds great - so why would you assume that your mom won't like him? Has she had a problem with every guy you've brought home? Or is there something about him that you suspect she won't like?

95% of the things we worry about never happen. Which is what's going on here. There is no "catch." Your boy and your sister's boy are two separate issues that have nothing to do with each other.

I don't know what the deal is with your mom -- if she's being reasonable or not. It seems like the problem is your sister, and if she's broken off all contact with her family, well, that makes me think that boy of hers is bad news, possibly abusive. But she didn't write to me so I'm not going to speculate (although I'll say that I wish you would try talking to her and leave it at that.)

You have to trust yourself, because you're right when you say you can't live your life for other people. If he makes you happy, your mom should see that and give you her blessing.

 

Dear Chloe,

I like this girl a lot. I am really thinking that our relationship is going to be a long term one. I am convinced that she likes me and we have a lot of fun hanging out together. So I was wondering, what can I possible get her for Christmas that would make her feel stronger for me and know that I really care about her? My head just goes blank when I think about it. So could you please help me? If it involves money then the range is from $10-50. But if it doesn't involve any money then I am willing to do a lot!

Sincerely,

Michael4

 

Dear Michael4,

Soooo this response is a teensy bit late.

I've always had problems coming up with great gift ideas. But it helps if you listen to what she says.

For example, is there a song that she loves to listen to? Buy the CD. Has she wanted to learn to do something that you could buy her a couple of lessons, like horseback riding or ice skating? Ask her friends for suggestions. It sounds like you haven't been dating very long, so I wouldn't get her something TOO personal, like lingerie. How about a certificate for a massage or beauty treatment at a nearby spa?

As long as you put a smidgeon of thought into your gift, she'll love it. People can always tell when you do.

 

Dear Chloe,

I know this girl that whenever I see her in the hallway she looks at me and smiles then kind of looks away, and whenever we're in class together she always tries to talk to me by making small talk like just saying "Hi," or "thank you." Do you think I should ask her out? Or do you think she's just messing with me? I'm kind of a shy person but I'll do whatever it takes. I really like this girl.

Sincerely,

Pol

 

Dear Pol,

Shy, and kinda dense. She is desperately trying to drum up interest so I don't know what you're waiting for. Trust me, if she didn't like you, she wouldn't be wasting so much energy vying for your attention.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

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