Chloe's so sorry she's waaay behind with her column. Unfortunately, she gets too many questions to answer each one. Chances are someone has already asked the same or a similar question, so check the archives or "How to Tell if Someone Likes You."

Today's Column: Boys asking about girls and...vice versa!

 

Dear Chloe,

I have a crush on a cute guy. He has a girlfriend but they keep breaking up. He knows I'm into him, but he says he doesn't like me in that way. But, we always make eye contact. I mean he started talking about me to one of my friends and he always looks at me. Last year he flirted with me when we had the same class.

Sincerely,

texasgirl

 

Dear texas,

If he knows you like him, AND he told you that he doesn't feel the same, why keep hope alive? He said he's not interested. Stop wasting time reading into every little thing. Move on.

 

Dear Chloe,

I like this girl at school. I always talk to her non-stop at lunch and we always stop to talk to each other at our lockers. We have so much in common. She also just started calling me, but she always goes on about how cute this guy is. I want to know if you think she likes me.

Sincerely,

earnhardt_jr

 

Dear earn,

It's hard to say. With all the jawing you've been doing, and never making a move, you may have talked yourself right into the buddy zone. Maybe she doesn't think you're interested.

She could be testing you, to see if you get jealous. Or she might like this other guy and want to tell her new buddy all about it. Girls love talking about guys with other guys, to get their viewpoint and advice and such. Heck, we just like talking about cute guys.

You have plenty of opportunity to ask her out. What are you waiting for? That is the only way to know for sure whether she likes you -- if you ask her out and she says yes. Everything else is speculation.

 

Dear Chloe,

Funny thing is I hear many times the only way to know if he likes you is if he calls. It appears to me like skeptical advice. First, although it's one of many ways to know if he likes you, it's not always true that the 'phone' is the 'only' way to know if he likes you. For example, there are people who are hard to get hold of via phone or some guys aren't comfortable talking on phone (ie. they might like some girls who are hearing-impaired but aren't comfortable with third person translating in the middle while calling her through relay service system). Second, it can give girls the false idea that he is not interested while there are many possible reasons why he isn't calling, like for example, lost number, shy, couldn't get a hold of, and so on. Please let me know what you think.

Sincerely,

jody

 

Dear jody,

You're being too literal. If a guy doesn't make any effort to get to know someone, whether it's by phone or whatever, for all intents and purposes, he is not interested. And those reasons you gave why a guy wouldn't call, well, most of them are lame. It's not too hard to get someone's number even if he did lose it. It's not very hard to leave a message. And if he's too shy to make a move, well, then it doesn't make a difference whether he likes her or not, the result is the same. Listen, I've made excuses to myself why someone didn't call me. It's a total waste of time.

 

Dear Chloe,

I am a 17 year old girl, I recently got my first kiss from a guy. Ever since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. The only problem is now he is telling me he is gay, and I found out that it was the truth. I don't know what to do. I really like him, and I have been dying for another kiss from him. I just don't understand why he kissed me if he is gay. Is it okay to kiss him, or be friends with benefits if he is gay?

Sincerely,

mangokitten

 

Dear mango,

Gay guys sometimes kiss women -- I imagine they're curious, or they just want a little lovin'. The first guy I kissed was gay, in fact.

Why torture yourself by letting yourself be used? You are just going to get hurt, and miss out on something better. It's going to take a while to get over him, but you don't have a choice. I'd stay away from him.

 

Dear Chloe,

Well, I've been with this guy for two months off and on. Let me add he is in the army. The weekend we spent together, we fell in love right away. He was so perfectly sweet, everything I wanted and needed. I have a kid, he was extra special to him. That weekend, I know really fast, but true. He asked me to marry him, we both were feeling it, he told his mom, we were supposed to get married in December on his leave, but we didn't. He broke it off with me.

The 31st of december he was in San Diego e-mailing me, telling me "Merry Christmas," and "Happy New Year," and asking me for my number again because he had lost it. He sent me three messages telling me that when he gets back to Ft. Hood we needed to talk. Well, he gets back Jan the 3rd, but calls me the 4th and tells me he loves me, and asks me to forgive him, for everything. He blamed it on his manic-depressive disorder, which he had to get his medication upped. Okay so we talk for a very long time, geting along making each other laugh.

His shifts got changed and I thought he was starting to ignore me again. But he instant messaged me, telling me he loves me, that he swears he's not ignoring me. Well, last Friday, he was supposed to be working, but when I got online he signed off, so I called him, and he pretended that he didn't know who I was and said nothing but hung up in my face. So of course I started to freak out, I'm so madly in love with him. After 5 days of crucial begging, he finally talked to me today. He was telling me, that it's easier for him to just not deal with "us" at all. Because, he thinks about me all day, but he's fixing to go to war, and might not come back. He has been a total jerk to me, he started bring up his ex and then tells me to go away, and says that I'm tying him down, that he needs freedom. He wants to sleep around, party and drink. He didn't do anything, but he had girls in his room, last night. I know he didn't do anythng because I got to talk to his friend on the computer, and he didn't know that me and Thomas were together at the time being, and he was telling me Thomas has been acting weird lately, because those girls were tryng to mess with him, and he ignored them. Thomas's friend said he's never known Thomas to turn down a girl.

Another thing Thomas had told me that he had only been with 5 girls when we first started dating, when he was pushing me away and being cruel he said put a 2 in front of the 5 and I'll be closer to the count, meaning 25 or more girls he has been with. I waited a whole year and a month, being celibate. Then we meet, and he is an angel, he proposed to me, he was so happy about it. And he does this to me. Why? Does he love me or not? He has major mood swings. There are lil' things and a lot of things he has done to show that he loved me. We live 3 hours away, but he would drive down he to see me. We went to the mall, he bought my son a toy car, and bought me something just because I liked it. Then when he would have to go back to Ft. Hood, he would call me, and tell me he loves me and can't wait to make me his wife. We even talked about growing old together, play fighting with our walkers. What's going on here? What I think it is, the whole war thing. Help!!!! I love him so much, there is no one else I want to be with, no one!

Sincerely,

playin it solo

 

Dear play,

Oh boy. You're right, I'm sure that the war has a lot to do with it, but he doesn't sound like the most stable guy to begin with. First of all, don't underestimate his mental disorder. I speak from experience, as I dated someone with bipolar disorder and his behavior was similar to what you described. I constantly told myself that he didn't mean the awful things that he said to me, but months later I realized that he *did* want to hurt me. It's the same thing with your guy. If you continue to put up with this unacceptable behavior you are going to damage your self-esteem, and you won't be helping your son, either. Things with this mixed-up guy are just going to get worse.

You are letting yourself get swayed by the times he is nice. Do you think it's possible to be married to someone like that? He gets something out of being cruel. I wouldn't want someone to go through what I did. Please break things off with this guy, and find someone who treats you with kindness, and doesn't just talk about it.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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