Chloe's so sorry she's waaay behind with her column. Unfortunately, she gets too many questions to answer each one. Chances are someone has already asked the same or a similar question, so check the archives or "How to Tell if Someone Likes You."

Today's Column: Longtime crushes, hijacking your friend's crush, a boyfriend who's MIA, and more.

 

Dear Chloe,

I have this uncommon name, Ernie, so I get made fun of a lot. I really like a couple of girls at my school, but I'm not sure how to go up and tell them. I know I'm not bad looking or any thing, because my mom is really pretty. But some of the girls I like are really popular and I don't quite know how to ask them out. I am really getting tired of being pushed around all the time. I mean I've dated several girls, (too many), but I never really liked them. So I am wondering if you can give me some tips on how to get the girls I want. By the way I am only 16. Thanks for taking the time to listen to me.

Sincerely,

Ernie

 

Dear Ernie,

It seems you have two issues here. One, you claim people are making fun of you because of your name. I don't know if that's true or not, if so, that's certainly lame. But people generally pick on people who are good targets. If you don't give them a reaction, it's not really so much fun to pick on you. Next time try saying something like, "Huh. That's so clever. Your mother must be proud."

Now about scoring with the popular girls -- well everyone thinks there is some kind of magic spell to get people to like him or her. The only way someone will notice you is if you 1) hang out in the same places so they see you around and 2) actually make an effort to talk to them and get to know them. Most importantly, don't try to be someone you're not. And there are no guarantees, obviously. There is no easy way, unless you have mutual friends who can set up an introduction. You have to take a few risks, even if you throw caution to the wind and ask her out cold. I really don't recommend doing that unless you're in a situation where you don't think you'll ever bump into that person again.

When you have a crush on a popular girl, the odds of dating her are going to be pretty low unless you're also popular. It's a fact of life. Just because you want to date someone doesn't mean she is going to feel the same way about you. It's also a fact of life that there are some pretty great girls around who aren't popular. I always tell people the same thing: to meet people you have to be where they are. If you are both doing the same thing at the same time, it's a lot easier to get a convo going, no matter how popular they are. So get involved in some after-school activity that interests you. Friendships naturally form between people who share common ground. Pretty soon you'll get invited somewhere and a friend of a friend will introduce you to someone and...voila!

So I don't advise approaching someone you don't know. Try to make friends first -- girls tell me they do it all the time with guys they're crushing on.

 

Dear Chloe,

I told my friend to tell his guy that my friend and I like him, and she did. But all he did was laugh/smile. What does that mean?

Sincerely,

sarithat

 

Dear sari,

It means he thinks you and your friend are silly. What did you expect? You had no plan, so what was he supposed to do with this information? I never recommend having someone do your dirty work for you. It's a turnoff because it's cowardly.

 

Dear Chloe,

Okay, there's this guy that I have been "seeing" for about 6 months now. We met at a bar, and hit it off..he called and we have been hanging out since. He's a sweetheart..takes me out all the time to nice places, calls every day, has met my parents. So about 2 weeks ago, we were talking and we hadn't seen each other in a few weeks, so I mentioned that if we weren't going to see each other more often then we should stop this. He agreed 100%. He said he liked me a lot and wanted it to go further. I said our first step was to hang out more. So this weekend comes up and I ask him to go get something to eat with me (he does live about 35 mins away from me) and he said he was so busy, but he would TRY. That was Sat, it is now Tues and he hasn't called since. What is his deal? Should I call him and ask him what is wrong? Why would he do this?

Sincerely,

sara

 

Dear sara,

Guys can be a little flaky. I've learned it's impossible to second-guess someone else's behavior, because often even they don't know why they're doing what they're doing.

Since you two have been dating for six months, he certainly owes you an explanation about what happened.

I'd call him myself and see what the deal is, rather than make up a story or excuse about why you haven't heard from him. Things couldn't have been too hot and heavy if you hadn't seen each other in weeks. If he blows you off again, I'd finish this chapter and call it a day.

 

Dear Chloe,

Well see... my friend likes this guy, and so I started talkin' to him to get him to like her more then he does...but what happened was that he calls me all the time now and flirts with me and yes, I do flirt back, but I shouldn't cause my best friend likes him...but anyway...he always asks me to do things with him on the weekends but I don't want to tell my friend that he asks me to do things cause I think she will get mad and think that I "took him from her"... which I don't want to... what should I do... cause I don't know if he is just being friendly or if he likes me in another way...When we talk in person it seems like he can't look in my eyes... and he likes making fun of me in a flirty way... can you help me decide what to do... should I tell my friend the truth or just keep her out of it?

Sincerely,

chrbaby

 

Dear chr,

First, own up to what you did. Maybe you didn't "take him from her," but you certainly diverted his attention.

You liked him, so you took the opportunity to talk to him under false pretenses. Or he became more appealing because your friend digs him. Speaking of, she's a bit of a coward, and maybe now she'll learn that she can't have some guy fall under her spell through a third party. Especially if that third party is sneaky you.

So what to do? Cut the crap, you know he likes you. Decide for yourself whether you want to pursue this relationhip. You can't keep it from your friend forever, and I wouldn't be surprised if this ruined your friendship with her. She's going to be hurt, no matter what. But the world won't stop twirling on its axis.

 

Dear Chloe,

I have really liked this girl for a long, long time. Even when I was going out with a girl for almost a year, I still thought about her all the time. We are both going to college next fall(probably the same school) and I really want to tell her how I have felt for the last few years! I do talk to her all the time and we laugh and always seem to have a good time. I even think she likes me but, I don't know how to bring it up. I feel like I can't just go out and say "hey you know I have liked you for the last 3 years." I think that would kinda be a shock to her. How should I bring up the fact that I really like her?

Sincerely,

Kris

 

Dear Kris,

You could spend a lot of time trying to figure out a cool and clever way to do that. But why procrastinate any longer? Being honest works just as well. Whenever you two are hanging out and happy together, that would be an appropriate time to share your feelings. The signs are good. Ask her out on a date. I'm sure she would say yes.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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