Chloe's so sorry she's waaay behind with her column. Unfortunately, she gets too many questions to answer each one. Chances are someone has already asked the same or a similar question, so check the archives or "How to Tell if Someone Likes You."

Today's Column: Getting over your crush, when your crush is popular, losing your mack, mixed signals and more.

 

Dear Chloe,

I like this girl but she only wants to be friends. How do I stop liking her?

Sincerely,

Nikinewdal

 

Dear Niki,

The most important thing is to keep your distance. If you see her around, it's going to be really hard to get over her. You can't just stop liking someone instantaneously, but it does go away little by little over time.

I like to go with the flow. If I feel really down I'll have a good cry, be all drama queen for a few and let it all out. I always feel better when all that negativity is released and then I'm more determined to get myself back on track. It's OK to feel bad for awhile, just as long as you don't use that as an excuse to never get back in the game.

Maybe now would be a good time to join a new afterschool activity, to pursue a new interest or re-focus on an old one. Don't spend too much time dwelling on poor you and saturating in self-pity. When you catch yourself thinking about her, accept it and let it go. Soon enough you'll have more interesting people and activities to fill your thoughts.

 

Dear Chloe,

I like a guy that was really nice to me in the beginning of the school year. We always talked until he became popular. It's like we stopped talking to each other...we act like we don't even know each other. We hang around with totally different people and we are from two different worlds. He only sees me as the quiet and smart one...but he doesn't see much in me. One day, I had to dress up all girly and do my hair. That was when he started staring at me and walking past me as if he were trying to get my attention. I don't know if I should like him. I think he's shallow...I DO like him...well...maybe because he was my type of guy before he was popular. What should I do?

Sincerely,

crazygurltodai

 

Dear crazy,

You have to make that decision. Popular guy dumps pre-popular friends is one of the oldest routines in the biz. If you're comfortable being with someone who didn't notice you until you got yourself all dolled up, then go for it. Many people are like that anyway.

 

Dear Chloe,

I am currently having a problem that I guess many other guys are having. What the heck is wrong with our confidence and uniqueness when we are around/talking to the girls that we like (not superficially)? To other girls, I am one cool and funny guy and they all like me, I'm myself in front of them, I never get shy, and everything works out. Only when I am talking with the girl I like, do I feel extremely unconfident and think "oh man, how could I just ask her out???" Whenever I see her, I decide to talk to her, then not to, then I get depressed because of lack of communication. What is wrong with us and do you know how to properly adjust this? Thank you.

Sincerely,

Andrew

 

Dear Andrew,

Everyone's like that, because the stakes are much higher. If you're talking to someone whom you're not interested in romantically, then it's no big deal. You're not risking anything.

So what to do? You'll never get entirely rid of that nervous tension, but that's part of what makes crushes so exciting. Don't put her on a pedestal. Treat her like any other girl. Don't take yourself so seriously, or her -- and when you catch yourself thinking, "How could I..." just go ahead and talk to her.

 

Dear Chloe,

I've had a crush on this guy, and he gives me a lot of mixed signals. First, he'll be nice, walk with me to class, touch me sometimes, try to get close and then I hear him muffle stuff like "What's your number?" or "I like you." All these things do kinda mean something, but he is in a way also a frequent flirter with other girls. He flirts around with this other girl in my class so I see it and it drives me crazy! Plus, he'll ignore me sometimes. Is he a loser or is he just trying to make me jealous? Or is he just shy? Is there also a way that I can know that he likes me for sure without asking him? Any particular body language?

Please write back...thanks so much.

Sincerely,

Audrey

 

Dear Audrey,

I've never suggested to anyone that they ask their crush if he or she likes him or her. I don't think it's fair to put someone on the spot like that before you're willing to share your feelings. It's actually quite selfish. And you don't have to explicitly tell him you like him, you could just ask him to hang and see if he's into it. Then hopefully, he'll reciprocate and ask you next time.

But he's already asked for your number, and said that he liked you. So what's the problem? He's entitled to flirt with other girls. Girls flirt with other guys in front of their crush all the time.

So since he asked for your number, did you give it to him? Did he use it? That's how you can tell if he likes you. Or did you pretend that you didn't hear him? You've got to meet him halfway. If you're not giving him any response, he's not going to keep pursuing you.

 

Dear Chloe,

I knew this girl since 6th grade. In 6th grade she put "I love you" in my year book. But I thought she was just playin.Then in 7th grade I told my friend I liked her (My friend cannot keep things to himself and told almost the whole school). About the next week she was talking to me more like: Can I copy your homework, or something about school. Then my friend kept on calling her if she liked me, I didn't even ask him to do that, and she thinks I'm a mute and too shy. But what I am confused about is that whenever she talks to me it seems that she likes me but when she talks to my friend she says all these bad things about me. I don't know if she likes me or not...Please HELP me!!

Sincerely,

Anon

 

Dear Anon,

This is why you don't need a third party getting involved in your love business. What is with your friend? Tell him to knock it off.

Instead of waiting for your friend to sabotage everything, make a move yourself. I'm not sure why she would say bad things about you, maybe she doesn't want your friend to know that she likes you. A lot of people prefer to keep those things to themselves. You're already talking with her, it shouldn't be that big of a deal to ask her out. Sometimes you have to take a risk yourself. This is one of those times.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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