Chloe's so sorry she's waaay behind with her column. Unfortunately, she gets too many questions to answer each one. Chances are someone has already asked the same or a similar question, so check the archives or "How to Tell if Someone Likes You."

Today's Column: Guys who ask for help, flirting like mad, when your crush has a girlfriend, friendly coffee guys.

 

Dear Chloe,

I was just reading through a few of your emails. I was thinking, hey, I might as well give it a shot, so here I am writing to you. My friends are always talking about their boyfriends and everything, but I've never had one. There's this one hot guy in my class that I'm seriously crushing on, but he's like the biggest trouble maker, and you know how trouble makers don't blush or any of that stuff, they insult, but he asks me for help a lot. Can you please help me to either make him like me (some how) or see if he already likes me, I would really appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Totally Desperate

 

Dear TD,

I'm sorry to say that you can't make someone like you. See, there's this thing called "Free Will." Free will is very, very good. Just imagine if some creepy guy could make YOU fall in love with HIM. Gross! What you want is a guy who likes you for you, the way you are, right now.

If a guy asks for help, either 1) he really needs help, or 2) he's just making an excuse to talk to you. I'm going with #2. I mean, I'm sure there are other people he could have asked. In fact, I recommend all the time that this is a great way to approach your crush. You already have a topic of conversation, it's flattering to him because you're implying that you think he's smart and got it together. And most people are happy to help others because it feels good.

So at the very least we know that he thinks highly of you. Since he's already approached you for help, why can't you ask him for help, even if you don't really need it? Make an effort to start a convo with him. You should be able to tell by his response whether the sitch is #1 or #2.

 

Dear Chloe,

There is a girl I really like and I met her at a summer camp I go to. I think she likes me too cuz she always calls me sexy and hun and all that stuff but I am not sure enough yet to the point that I am confident enough to ask her out. We email each other a lot and instant message each other, too, but we don't talk on the phone often. The one thing that makes me uneasy about her is she always mentions guys around me and how she wants to find one on spring break and stuff. Yet she flirts with me really hot and heavy and I know she's not the player type. She lives four hours away, and even if she's interested, can we make it work with the distance between us? I need to know, thanks.

Sincerely,

jtteran

 

Dear jtteran,

It's hard for me to say. Some girls are really friendly and love to flirt. She could be one of those girls. And it's not unusual for a chick to talk about other guys in front of her crush. She does that to check your reaction. If you get jealous, she gets an ego stroke and she'll know that you like her.

Email and IMs are so much easier than talking on the phone. Plus the telephone is a lot more expensive. But why can't you ask her to hang out the next time you're on IM? I mean, if I was flirting hot and heavy with some guy, and he never asked me out, I'd assume he wasn't interested. Especially if he lived four hours away. At some point you have to make a move.

I can't tell you if your long distance relationship will work or not. Some people can make them work, some can't. That's your call.

 

Dear Chloe,

I think this guy likes me but I'm not sure, can you help me find out? He looks me in the eyes and plays with my hair, takes my things and he hides them. He will sit beside me when my friend isn't sitting there, and he will like take something out of my hands and when I go to get it he will ask me if I'm trying to hold his hand. I will say "no," and he will say, "don't lie you know you want to." And he tries to put things down my shirt, so what do you think?

Sincerely,

dreamie_jeannie

 

Dear Andrew,

Yes, he likes you, a thousand times yes!

Guys (and girls, pretty much everyone) don't waste that much time and energy flirting with someone they're not interested in. Why would they, when they could be spending time with someone they are interested in?

 

Dear Chloe,

I like this guy and I know he likes me, too, because we flirt a lot and his friend told me he likes me. The problem is that he has a girlfriend. I don't know what to do because I like him a lot but I don't want to mess up a relationship.

Sincerely,

oasisjt

 

Dear o,

I believe you just answered your question. If you don't want to mess up a relationship, then keep your distance. There's nothing wrong with flirting, as long as it's not a means to the end (0f her).

I've said this over and over. Poaching someone else's significant other is not cool. If he'll cheat on her, he'll cheat on you.

If it's meant to be, eventually his relationship with her will run its course, and then you'll be free to take the next step with a clear conscience.

 

Dear Chloe,

I have a quandary. I am absolutely clueless as to whether a guy is interested in me. To make matters worse, I have gotten a crush on the neighborhood barista (coffee guy) and I can't tell if he is just being nice because he is working or if he is flirting!

First, he introduced himself to me after memorizing my name off my credit card. Then, he commented on my 'nice rings' (which I figure is either a comment on my jewelry or points out that he was checking if I was married). He always sees me as soon as I come in and says hi to me by name. When I leave, he says goodbye and that is was very nice to see me again, and how long will be studying? He is always very conversational and kind, but he's a coffee guy!

I do catch him staring at me occasionally, but once he steps out from behind the counter he seems to freak out about talking to me and I freak out too!

Additionally, my ex-boyfriend showed up one night and this guy STARED at us for like five minutes. Does that perhaps mean he was trying to figure out if we were together or not?

As you can see, my problem is that baristas are SUPPOSED to be nice, so I don't know if he is just being friendly or if he likes me. And I don't want to ruin my favorite place to go have coffee by making an ass out of myself when he isn't interested...HELP ME!!

Buy me a clue!

Sincerely,

Perplexed

 

Dear P,

Apparently, coffee guys are a lot different on your side of the pond.

I can't imagine that all his attention is just part of the job (unless you're a really generous tipper). How is he with the other patrons? Does he introduce himself, comment on their jewelry and stare daggers at their ex-boyfriends, too? Probably not -- he'd have no time to do what he gets paid to do.

If you're feeling a little adventurous, try handing him your digits next time.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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