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Chloe's so sorry she's waaay behind with her column. Unfortunately, she gets too many questions to answer each one. Chances are someone has already asked the same or a similar question, so check the archives or "How to Tell if Someone Likes You."

Today's Column: There's too much to list in this double length column!

 

Dear Chloe,

I just found out that my ex has a new girlfriend. For the longest time, I fooled myself and my friends into thinking that I was over him. Now that he isn't available, I finally realized that I still love him. What should I do?

Sincerely,

beachbabe1237

 

Dear beach,

Accept that you still have feelings for him, but don't dwell on them. Get involved in extra-curricular activities, keep yourself distracted and eventually it will get easier. Keep your distance as much as possible. What you're going through is completely normal and experienced by everyone at one time or another. Which doesn't mean it doesn't suck.

 

Dear Chloe,

Well as the usual story goes, I like this girl in one of my classes. We're both tri-athletes and we both are in the same grade. It seems as if we would have no problem getting together, but the problem is that I'm kinda shy. Like for instance, last week we were talking and she told me that the following week was her b-day. So I told her I'd get her a present, and when the day finally came, I gave it to her. Since on her previous flirts she told me she liked Disney movies, I got her one that she said she didn't have. She was excited when I gave it to her, she gave me a hug, and told me how sweet of me. I don't know what going on, I think I'm getting mixed signals. Some of my friends told me that if she makes eye contact with me a lot that's a good thing, and I can't tell if she does it out of the ordinary. I just wanted to ask you if I should make the move or if I should just drop my efforts and move on. I hope I didn't put you to sleep, thanks.

Sincerely,

arabianwhiteboy

 

Dear a,

I deleted the first part of your question because any disadvantages you have are due to your attitude. A tri-athlete should know this already.

And like, drop what efforts? That was a great call on the birthday present. Now follow it up by asking her out. I get dozens of letters from people saying they're too shy to ask so-and-so out. That excuse just leaves more girls for the guys who aren't afraid to take a chance.

 

Dear Chloe,

Okay, there is this guy whom I have had a crush on for almost 2 years. And he knows I like him. He flirts with me all the time, like telling me I have huge boobs and he always plays with my hair and finds ways to touch me like poking me in my stomach. One time he even sucked me on my neck. But he also flirts with a lot of other girls, too. He's a really popular guy and I'm not that popular but I'm not a nerd. So I would really like to get your opinion on this situation. Does he like me for me or does he just wanna get in my pants?

Sincerely,

sweetie ashley

 

Dear sweetie,

I get a lot of letters about guys like this. Your basic player. They seem to flirt with everyone without actually asking anyone out.

I wouldn't get my hopes up. And I'm not sure why talking about your "huge boobs" is so flattering.

 

Dear Chloe,

There's this guy...(story of my life) and he is super cute. One of my friends used to know him and says he is really nice. He is in my math class, and I think I've maybe caught him looking at me a few times. He's also really shy, and I am too. I'd like to go up and talk to him sometime, but I don't know what I'd say or anything. How do you start interacting with someone you have never spoken to?

Sincerely,

happygirl

 

Dear happy,

Talk about something you have in common. In this case, it's easy -- math class. You could commiserate on the latest test or even ask him for help -- one of my favorite tactics.

 

Dear Chloe,

I am with a girl who goes out to bars a lot without me and sometimes I am a little uncomfortable. She has a lot of friends in this area and I have less, and we're moving somewhere together, so it's understandable that she wants to see them before she leaves. We have hung out at different places (bars) together before, but some of the ones she goes to, I offer to come meet her and she'll tell me "I'm leaving soon, I'll call you when I'm leaving," then leaves at around 3 AM instead of 12:30 - 1 AM, and expects to talk to me like nothing happened. Not that it's a huge issue, but it bugs me when she says she will call but doesn't, especially when the only reason she claims I shouldn't meet her there is because she's "leaving soon."

In addition to this, we were at a bar/restaurant a week or two ago and she apparently had told the guys and girl she was talking to that her boyfriend was coming. I met her, and she greetly me warmly, and continued her conversation with the two MARRIED guys, flirtatious but harmless in her mind. I don't think she understands how sexual men are and how there is more meaning to it than meets the eye. Well... to top it all off, that night she got on the bar and flashed her breasts for these guys ("They're just boobs, right?") and while I was in the bathroom, upon my exit I saw her dry-humping one of the guys having a great laugh. That doesn't fly in my book, but the good person in me tells me that it's harmless self-approval. The defensive person in me says that it's not good for me to be in this relationship. I have already spoken to her about this night and it seems to have gotten better, but the bug up my ass has me wondering about all those other nights that I'm not even there for, especially at the bars I've never been to that she frequents. Every time I meet her at a bar, she is talking to guys that have their hands around her and offers her a ride. She never accepts, but is the object of sexual attention for every (and any age) man in the bar. I tell her she does it because she seeks approval and needs to work on self-esteem and seek approval from within, but at the same time, I'm her boyfriend, not her therapist. I don't want to teach her at the expense of my feelings and well-being. This happened in my last relationship.

I know this is long-winded, and I apologize, but this was the easiest way I could piece together my situation for you to read and understand. She says she cares about me a lot, and it goes vice versa, but when I feel like the tables turn, I just think we would be better off as friends or just should not date each other. Good God. I've heard everything from "she's not right for you," which some of my guy friends say, but I know what's right for me and they only see me when I'm venting some frustration about her going out and not calling me. But Jesus, flashing breasts, running around the bar touching guys and letting them touch on you, where do I draw the line? I'm not the kind of man who lets his girlfriend flash her tits on Bourbon Street (I've been there several times) and I don't intend to be. In fact I don't even understand... I think those guys are more interested in a trophy girlfriend than a dedicated, trustworthy relationship.

I know I can find within what to do, but it's always good to seek someone else's perception, no matter how distant they are from the situation. Sometimes that's the best way to do it. Thanks for any help in advance.

Sincerely,

Will

 

Dear Will,

Dude. Don't be apologetic for your feelings -- she's way out of line. I mean, flashing and dry humping in front of you? I don't have high hopes for her behaving herself when you're not around.

And I know you have to take other people's opinions with a grain of salt, but you should listen to your friends who say she's not right for you. This selfish girl doesn't respect you. She wants to act like she's single, let her be single. Why do you think you have to put up with this nonsense? Don't make excuses. My friends don't do this to their guys. Please, grow a pair and tell her to get lost.

 

Dear Chloe,

There is a guy whom I really like. I think he likes me, too. He will come up and start talking to me and he always gives me a hug when I am leaving. He told one of my friends that he likes me and he thinks I am cute. He told her he wants to hang out and he will call me the next time he is off so we can go out. But every time I call we only talk for a little while and he never calls me back. Does he really like me? I am confused.

Sincerely,

rmiller

 

Dear r,

Sounds like all talk and no action. Let him call you, if he likes you, he will. If he doesn't, there's your answer.

 

Dear Chloe,

Help! There's this awesome guy that I have a huge crush on. I approached him first, we've been instant messaging for a couple months. We're pretty good friends now. My problem is that I don't talk to him in person as much as I would like to. I see him a lot at school, it just seems like it would be to awkward to start a conversation. It's so different. But I really don't want to just let it go. How do I take the way we are online and kinda transfer it to in person?

Sincerely,

citycricket

 

Dear city,

This is why I don't like online relationships -- they're too easy and they make it a lot harder to get things going IRL. I'm not really sure why you can't talk about the same things in person, that you talk about on IM. This awkwardness you feel is in your head. Put your fear aside and just talk to him.

 

Dear Chloe,

I've been with this girl for about 4 years then our relationship got kinda stale and she bailed out and wants to date other people. She says I'm still special to her, but no matter what I try to do to get back with her it doesn't work. We had something beautiful and we should have it back. What can I do to get her back?

Sincerely,

The Broken Heart

 

Dear The,

I'm sorry it didn't work out, but you have to let her go. As you said, things turned stale so it was just that this relationship ran its natural course. I know it sucks, but she is doing you a favor by not stringing you along any longer.

 

Dear Chloe,

I'm 15 and I've never had a boyfriend. Is there somethng wrong with me?

Sincerely,

babygirl

 

Dear baby,

Nope! Fifteen is still pretty young. Guys your age are too immature for a relationship anyway.

 

Dear Chloe,

I told my boyfriend I loved him and he said that he isn't looking for love. That every time he falls in love he loses a part of himself ...I felt like an idiot after I told him I loved him and now I'm not sure what to do. Do you think that because he's been hurt before that he will never let himself fall in love with me? Or am I wasting my time?

Sincerely,

angelic802

 

Dear a,

Never feel embarrassed for sharing your true feelings. Be proud that you had the courage to put yourself out there.

OK, so your boyfriend's response was lame. Before you write him off, look at his behavior. Does he treat you with respect? Do you feel good being with him? Or is this just another example of his wishy-washiness? Give him a little time, but if he sticks to this story, I'd give the coward his walking papers.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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