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Chloe's so sorry she's waaay behind with her column. Unfortunately, she gets too many questions to answer each one. Chances are someone has already asked the same or a similar question, so check the archives or "How to Tell if Someone Likes You."
Today's Column: Another double length column! Crushing on your friend's ex, losing your best friend, my crush likes another guy, I'm in love with my best friend, and more.
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Dear Chloe,
Okay. This guy likes to put his arm around my shoulders, he likes to call me everyday at a certain time, 10:30, he likes to tell me that I'm pretty. I've already asked him if he has feelings for me, or if this is how he acts with someone he likes to hang around. Often his response is, "I don't know." I do have feelings for him and like him as if he was a best friend. But there's an issue: he went out with my closest friend. Now he takes advantage and flirts with other chicks, including me, but the difference is that he calls me everyday, out of all the chicks he flirts with. I don't go out with any of my friends ex's...what should I do?
Sincerely,
Una bella caste
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Dear U,
Don't go out with any of your friends' ex's...especially your best friend's ex. He's pretty flaky, anyway.
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Dear Chloe,
Hey, well it's just I don't believe in doing certain things before I'm married and all my friends don't understand that..I have this feeling that I just won't change and it feels like if I don't do that stuff I won't ever have someone...what should I do?
Sincerely,
Just a Virgin
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Dear J,
Never, ever do anything that you are not comfortable with doing. Trust your instincts.
Your friends are not you, and what's good for them (or what they think is good) may not be good for you. Sure, there are some guys who won't stick around if you don't put out. Those are not the type of guys you want to be with. And if you did something you didn't want to do to get a guy, do you think that would be a happy and healthy relationship for you? Of course not.
It's a shame that in our culture people who choose to abstain have to question themselves, or be defensive about it, or whatever (I speak from experience). I really dislike MTV, I think it's one of the most irresponsible networks on TV. Garbage in, garbage out.
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Dear Chloe,
My best friend (so called) and I have been best friends for 2 years now. She all of a sudden starts hanging out with this other girl, and decides she needs another best friend. A couple of weeks ago she also decided she really didn't want to talk to me as much either. She stopped calling, and every time I called her she was busy! What do I do?
Sincerely,
banana chicka
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Dear banana,
Unfortunately, this is not uncommon. People change friends in an attempt to climb the social ladder. It looks like your friendship has run its natural course. There's not much you can do, other than write her off as a loss and find new friends to hang out with. Wouldn't you rather spend your time and energy on people who appreciate you?
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Dear Chloe,
Well, here's my confused story:
There's this girl who I've known for a while, she used to go to my church back in like sixth grade (11th now), and is just generally one of those people who I've known but not known for a good deal of my life. Last summer, with the rest of our youth group, we went on a mission trip where you all go in a van somewhere pretty far away and fix up people's houses and stuff for free with a bunch of other high school kids. It was the first time I really spent a whole lot of time with her. After a couple days we started talking a lot since we went to the same school and stuff, and on the long van ride back, she was sitting next to me and we ended up using each other as pillows, except it got kind of close, eventually we were doing the whole hand squeezing thing and all. I still had this image of her... as my little sister's friend and all, and I guess I couldn't make myself make a move or anything like that. Since we don't see each other much in school, that was the last time I saw her, with a few exceptions in school where we'd maybe talk for a while and stuff.
Lately though, I've got her IM and we're talking a lot every day. I invited her to the movies last Sunday and she seemed really happy to go with me online, but when we were there, I don't know, I sensed like, hesitance or something from her, I'm not sure. I know that she has another crush that she's liked since before we started talking again... and that he likes her back, although nothing's really started between them yet. I'm at a real loss of what to do...In the past few weeks of talking to and hanging out with her I can already sense a strong bond of friendship, and I really like her as more than that, but I don't know if I should risk revealing my feelings for her at the cost of awkwardness.
Wow, that was long. Any advice?
Sincerely,
lotus6
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Dear l,
This is tough, since there is an unknown, yet possibly threatening third party. I would ask her out again, if her heart's not in it, then you'll have to let her go. You might be able to get in solid before the other guy ever gets around to asking her out. And then hopefully by then she digs you more. Or, she might end up dumping you to go out with the other guy. You have to use your judgment if this one is worth pursuing.
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Dear Chloe,
A lot of stuff has been going on lately and this might take a while to explain but if you listen I would be so happy!
Well there is this guy that I really think I love. I mean I can just tell. We went out before but it didn't last long at all. He broke up with me. Ever since, I've still liked him and never let go. I've tried to get over him but I just can't. He's the perfect guy for me. Everyone thinks he's a jerk, and well he sort of is, but I still love him and I don't know why. No matter what I do I still think about him.
All my friends dislike him because they think he is a player, and I know he is but I know that he can change! I've seen a side of him that no one else has. Recently I told my friend that I liked him still, and she told him. He said he liked me and I was funny. But we use to talk a ton and we don't talk a lot anymore. He knows I like him but he hasn't even begun to ask me out. And to make things worse, I think he likes my friend, but she really doesn't like him.
So really I don't know what to do...if I tried to let him go it would be too hard and I know that he could hurt me again, and I really don't wanna get hurt again. I'm so confused and his best friend just told me that he really likes me and I had to hurt him and lose a friendship when really I sorta liked him too, just not as much as I liked this other guy. So I've hurt someone...been hurt..and totally in love.. and I have no clue what to do, everything is falling apart. Please help!
Sincerely,
Adele
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Dear Adele,
Enough with the "I tried getting over him and I just can't" cock n bull. You haven't tried at all. And people's feelings get hurt all the time, whether it's yours or somebody else's, it's a part of life.
You don't even know why you like this guy. Your friends don't like him, you already went out and it didn't last, what makes you think next time will be any different? He is not going to change. People rarely do. So just get a hold of yourself, lady, shake off his dust and go see some new scenery.
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Dear Chloe,
You see, there is this girl I've known for about a year and we are pretty much best friends, but the thing is I really like her. Certainly not to come off sounding conceited or anything, but everybody keeps telling me I could have almost any girl (which is mostly because they know I treat them right. So they ask, why her? It's not because I can't have her, I just relate to her so much more than most others. Her personality is what most attracts me. So how do I let her know how I feel without making her feel uncomfortable?
Sincerely,
greendayrock
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Dear green,
Forget about what your friends say. Friends are great at sabotaging relationships. Just be honest with her. Don't lay it on too thick. There is always the risk that one of you gets uncomfortable, but best friends hook up all the time. Aren't you getting any body language? I would think that you should be able to tell whether she digs you or not.
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Dear Chloe,
My friend has a crush on my fiancee. How do I tell him to back off?
Sincerely,
neo
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Dear neo,
Well, you shouldn't have to warn your friend off your fiancee, but just tell him you're uncomfortable with him hitting on your future bride. You might want to give her a heads-up as well.
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Dear Chloe,
Hi, I just hear people talking about the bases of a relationship all the time and I was wondering what they were. Like what does first base stand for, and so on. Thanks.
Sincerely,
kate_dhs
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Dear kate,
This is how I learned them: first is kissing, second is touching above the waist, third is below the belt and a "home run" is "going all the way." Boy, did that sound corny.
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Dear Chloe,
I am jealous of my best friend because she likes my ex and my ex likes her and they won't admit they like each other. I don't know why but I am really jealous. I don't know what to do! Please help me! Thank You.
Sincerely,
Jealous Girl
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Dear Jealous,
Your being jealous is totally normal. What a difficult situation this is. I'm sorry, but there is not much you can do. You might want to tell your friend that you're uncomfortable with her dating him. If it's inevitable that they get together, you will either have to distance yourself or deal with it.
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Dear Chloe,
I have been seeing this guy for about 5 months now. He's older than me, he's 21 and I'm 18. This guy has a bad history of using girls. When I asked him how many girls he slept with he told me he can't even remember their names or anything. We aren't "boyfriend and girlfriend"...we're "seeing each other." He thinks it's silly that I want a boyfriend. We spend a lot of time together. I sleep at his house and everything but some of the things he doesn't do makes me wonder if he really does like me. Like, last night I stayed at his house till 3am, and he didn't even walk me 1/2 way before he turned around and went home. I get the impression that he doesn't like kissing me. When we have sex he doesn't kiss me. There is no foreplay before our sex, he just basically jumps right into it. He hardly ever compliments me, or do anything out of his way to make me happy. I've had a lot of boyfriends in the past and this is the first one that I actually like but he doesn't do all this stuff. I bring it up to him calmly but we just end up fighting. I just want to know if this relationship is worth all the trouble and all the fights because I do like him, but I think he just needs to try a little more, because I don't think he shows me that he cares enough.
Sincerely,
M
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Dear M,
What relationship? He's doing those things (or not) because he doesn't want to get too attached. He doesn't want a girlfriend, and I don't know that he can give you what you want. You don't sound happy. You're not being treated well. I'd give this guy his walking papers.
Hugs and kisses,
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Submit a squirty question, comment, job offer, etc. for Chloe!
Or, offer your advice to the peeps.
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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.
I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.
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