Chloe's so sorry she's waaay behind with her column. Unfortunately, she gets too many questions to answer each one. Chances are someone has already asked the same or a similar question, so check the archives or "How to Tell if Someone Likes You."

Today's Column: Another double length column! Crushing on your best friend, my girl has no drive, lackluster relationships, should I go to college, married and crushing, and more.

 

Dear Chloe,

I recently developed a crush on my best friend. We flirt all the time, but its always been just jokingly. Then I started to realize it wasn't a joke to me anymore. How can I find out how he feels about me without being too obvious? I don't want to ruin our friendship if it turns out he doesn't feel the same about me.

Sincerely,

Shorty

 

Dear Shorty,

This is a very common scenario. Only you can make the decision -- risk the friendship or keep the status quo. I always recommend that people make the move, because you already know each other and have a great basis for a successful relationship. Everyone wants an easy way out, but there isn't. It's not fair to put him on the spot if you're not willing to share your feelings for him first. And a lot of people will deny their feelings when confronted. I would just ask him out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

Dear Chloe,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a month and we both fell for each other pretty quickly. She is 20 and I'm 24. She's very pretty and has the most easygoing and friendly personality of anyone I've met, and I LOVE that! The problem is she doesn't work, doesn't go to college, doesn't drive and she's slightly overweight. Sometimes when I see her shape, I'm a bit turned off and I don't want to be. I've always dated girls that were at least somewhat in shape, but when I see her "tummy" or legs, I lose some attraction.

All of my other girlfriends also had jobs and interests and were somewhat outgoing and she still doesn't know what she wants to do. Her family has really sheltered her and continues to a bit, and I think that's half the problem. I've brought all of these things up to her and she says that she's working on them, not for me, but for herself, which makes me happy because I don't want someone to change for me. But every time I call her, though, she tells me she's bored or not doing anything or she's on the computer, so I don't know what to believe. She really loves me and I love her for all the wonderful things she is, but I fear that if she doesn't change some of the other things, I may fall out of love. I don't want to lose her, but I catch myself wondering if maybe there's someone better out there for me and I hate myself for it! Just so you know, I would never cheat on her. I want a soulmate that I could spend my life with and I see many qualities in her that I didn't in the others, but she lacks some that I liked in them. What do I do? HELP!

Sincerely,

Troubled_Guy

 

Dear Troubled_Guy,

You've only been going out for a month, you don't have to marry this girl. And let's face it, other than a pretty face and a friendly manner, she doesn't have anything else going for her. No job and no education? Dude, how could you not wonder that there might be someone else better for you? I mean, there HAS to be.

So don't beat yourself up for your dissatisfaction. I'm not one for giving ultimatums, but if she doesn't clear the rocks from her head and get her ass in gear, I'd find someone with a little more initiative. I don't see her changing anytime soon, and her lack of ambition is not going to stop bothering you. You're never going to find someone perfect, but I'd qualify her laziness as a dealbreaker.

 

Dear Chloe,

I'm 34, and have been dating a REALLY great guy for seven months. I don't feel the passionate crush for him and in fact, hanging with him makes me sad somehow. I think it is that I don't yet feel I've done anything in my life I really wanted to do (travel, work towards a PhD), and now I sort of want a child (but I'm not sure), and am sort of staying with this guy so I might do that. But it sounds like an awful life sentence, because he's just not perfectly from "my tribe". How do I resolve this? What should I do?

Sincerely,

Terminally Undecided

 

Dear Term,

If you're not sure you want a child, for the luvva pete, DON'T! I mean, sort of staying with someone because you sort of want a child, that's just a disaster waiting to happen. You need to work on yourself a bit first. Take a break from this relationship. Make a goal for yourself and follow through, whether it's travel or going back to school. Once you're working toward an objective you'll feel a lot better about yourself. A better relationship will naturally follow, whether it's this guy or someone else.

 

Dear Chloe,

Due to personal problems and a lack of self-esteem, I did horrible in high school (I just barely passed math!) I never felt I was intelligent enough for subjects like science or math, but now that I've been out of high school for a year, I have discovered that I love science, and I love to learn (the local library can't keep me out.) I started thinking maybe I can go to college. I've started taking ged classes to improve my academics but i am unfortunately on a (this is embarrassing) 8th grade level of math and spelling (this is about the grade that I lost interest in school.) I want to attend college but I'm so scared, I just don't think I'm intelligent enough, sometimes I think why am I even trying, there's no way I can make it. Chloe, do you think someone as far behind as me can possibly catch up and make it in college?

Sincerely,

feeling inadequate

 

Dear feeling,

Yes, absolutely, as long as you drop that defeatist attitude. Forget about what happened in the past. You said that you love science and you love to read. You'll be able to raise your reading level in no time as long as you keep working at it, and you will since you like it so much. Check out your local community college. Do you think you're the only one who needs a little help getting on the right track? They'll have people there you can talk to who can recommend some remedial courses you can take. Desire and persistence will take you farther than anything else. Don't give up on yourself!

 

Dear Chloe,

I'm tempted to give up on a crush with a guy I work with. Merely for the reason that A) I can't read if he seriously likes me B) he seems either shy or has a lot on his mind C) it's tricky one here, but I'm an unhappily married woman.

Both he and I work for the same company only on two separate floors. He's made efforts to come up to my floor, drop by my desk and chitchat for a bit even during his lunch break. Whether the discussion is professional or personal (not too personal), we've both made a lot of eye contact, been very sweet and polite with each other, and we've never made any sexual innuendos or comments of that nature. Finally, after some time, he voiced a compliment and opinion in regards to a new hair style I had gotten or how he finds me "kind and sweet".

Maybe I'm impatient that he hasn't found a reason to touch my arm or ask me to go for coffee or something. Or just flirt shamelessly with me, then maybe it'd be all too obvious.

I feel like he's just giving me bits and pieces that he's slightly interested in me but perhaps he's in a relationship and I'm in a rocky marriage (he doesn't know that it's rocky) He won't take it any further and that just makes him seem like he's only a friendly co-worker. So I guess my question is, how can I read this mystery guy as to whether he's crushing on me too, or if he just wants to be friends, but may be cautious about rejection, or that I'm married, or he just preferred being casual co-workers.

I appreciate any feed back.

Sincerely,

Confused Chica

 

Dear Confused,

I wish you would prefer just being casual co-workers. If you've read any of my other columns, then you know I am against extracurricular activities. How would you feel if your husband starting seeing one of his coworkers?

Office crushes are great because they add a little spice to the workday. But they're pure fantasy. Your marriage should be your primary concern. You'd be much better off cleaning up the home sitch than getting involved with some cheeky coworker. Be glad your crush respects your commitment enough to keep his distance.

 

Dear Chloe,

I told my crush how I felt, and I asked her out so that we could get to know each other. She said no, and that she'd talk to me the next day. She didn't, and I think I scared her away. She seems really nice, quiet, well mannered, smart (all the good things) and now I'm thinking that spilling the beans was a bad move. Or better yet, did I move too fast? I find it hard to stop liking her, but I'd gladly accept her as a friend. What am I gonna do?

Sincerely,

whammo

 

Dear whammo,

You didn't do anything wrong. Back off for now. So she turned you down, it's no big thing. Aren't you glad that you stood up for yourself and that you know the deal instead of wondering what if? So many people who write to me are afraid to make a move, and that just makes more girls available to the guys like you who are willing to take a risk.

 

Dear Chloe,

What does a girl really like as a present for her birthday? I mean I can't afford like a diamond necklace or anything, but I'd just like to remind her that I love her...please help!

And I know I should write a small card to her, but what else? Teddy bears? Bracelets?

Sincerely,

neo

 

Dear neo,

If you spend any time paying attention to her, you should have clues to something she wants, like a new CD or a DVD. Is there something that she likes to do that maybe you don't like, so you guys don't do it very often? If she likes animals, pay for a horseback riding lesson. Look at the stuff she has in her closet and see if you can find something similar, or even something you think she would look pretty in. That's very flattering. Most girls love shoes and would be tickled to have their boyfriend buy them a pair. I know I would! If someone were to buy me jewelry, I'd prefer earrings simply because they would get the most use. Or do something for her, like cooking a gourmet meal of her favorite food.

 

Dear Chloe,

I have so many emotions rushing through my head, and I have nowhere to put them. A couple of weeks ago a good friend of mine causually asked me to dinner so we could exchange Christmas gifts. Assuming this was a CASUAL outing, I agreed. So I guess you could say I was a little more than surprised when he took me to an expensive dinner and spent over $100 on a Christmas gift! He's known me for years, and I'm not the kind of girl who likes it when people make a big deal like that (especially when I'm not in a relationship with the person), so I felt guilty and awkward. But one of my girl-friends kept telling me what a great guy he was and that I should give him a chance. I figured she was right, and so I just decided to take things easy and see where they went.

But as time went on, I realized that I didn't have feelings for him, and that it was wrong of me to lead him on if I didn't see us getting togther. So I told him this as nicely as I could, as well as reminding him how important our friendship was to me.

And then he shows up at 6 in the morning the next day to profess his undying love! Besides looking like a mess, I was shocked. I told him nicely that I meant what I said the night before, and that I was sorry. So he accepted and left.

Then my girl-friend calls me on the phone and tells me that the night before (before I talked to him), the two of them were making out in a mall parking lot! I told her I wasn't mad, but the more I think about it the angrier I get. And I can't tell her that I am, can I? And I was "sworn to secrecy" so I can't talk to anyone else about it. I'm just disgusted how my guy friend could be such a weasel, and my girl friend could not only accept it, but go along with it! I totally feel betrayed, but I also feel like there's nothing I can do. Help!

Sincerely,

Tight Lipped

 

Dear Tight,

OK, this is weird. It's totally reasonable for you to be mad, seeing how slimy both of your friends are. I don't know what's going on with this guy, but apparently you had a good reason not to like him. If you're good friends with this girl, you have to tell her that what she did bothers you. If not, feel free to blow the skank off.

 

Dear Chloe,

Here's the lowdown:

I'm a sophmore in high school and I don't have much experience with girls mainly because of my lack of feelings, I tend not to show or tell how I really feel.

Though this year there is this girl I really like, she has a lot of friends and is kind of popular. We became acquaintances, though we hardly ever talk, this mainly due to the fact that she's always with her friends in school. We talk on IM sometimes, but we mostly shoot the bull, though on the IM I told her liked her, and she was fairly suprised.

Then she started saying things like she loves me (in real life and in IM), she says it fairly often and in public (meaning in front of friends). She also touches me a lot (my chest and on my butt)but I still don't quite get the message if she likes me or not, as she did this before and after I told her I liked her. My main problem is what is the best course of action: do I make a move or should I should not look deeper into this, as this is really getting to me.

Sincerely,

SaintLazyGuy

 

Dear Saint,

What the heck does a girl have to do to get you to ask her out? It's not like she's being super subtle, either. Make a damn move already!

 

Dear Chloe,

I just broke up with my boyfriend of about 6 months. I feel really ready to move on, so I "dumped" him. I liked him for over a year. And now I don't anymore, and it's hard to get my life back to normal. My life is excruciatingly empty. I have nothing to do, nothing to look forward to, no ONE to look forward to... How can I get back on track? How long will it take for me to feel alive again?

Sincerely,

Strawberry Blondie

 

Dear Straw,

People don't realize that it sucks to be the dumper almost as much as it is to be the dumpee. But that was great for both of you that you cut him loose. You have to find something to fill that emptiness, as corny as that sounds (and I'm not talking about another guy.) Join some afterschool activity, pursue some new hobby, volunteer, take an extracurricular class, anything to keep busy. Busy people with varied interests don't have time to feel sorry for themselves.

Hugs and kisses,

 


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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