This is Part VIII of the ever-evolving "How to Tell if Someone Likes You." Feel free to post your comments via the textbox below!
This page is about participation. Share your wisdom or learn from what others have said already. If you want help with your crush, ask our advice columnista, Chloe.
Check the archives for the rest of the story. Here's the latest.
On to Part VIII!
If you have an initial chemistry with a person, just be yourself, let yourself fall, even if you might get hurt, joke with him, laugh with him, (make fun a little bit, guys, it's nice when you can make fun of a girl and she laughs with you, that's how you'll know she's cool), and just enjoy each others' company. Don't think that every guy/girl you meet is going to be the one. Try starting out more on a friendship base. Work your way to the relationship.
Do the little things. . .just TINY little things. . .doesn't have to be much, as long as it pulls on his/her heartstrings. Eventually he or she'll take notice.
It's the little things that count. . .
If I seriously like I guy but don�t know where I stand, I usually start being nice and sweet to all of his friends so he can see how nice and sweet I am and that his friends think so, too. I try to make HIM like ME. Problem is, he�s the only one I don�t treat that way. I sorta try to act cool whenever he�s around and treat him as normal as possible. Most of the time that ends up in me saying something stupid or looking like the biggest jerk on earth. -So if I like you, you�d probably think I�m an idiot while everyone else thinks I�m nice.- I know it sounds stupid, but I don�t really do it on purpose. I reckon I just don�t wanna be all open and vulnerable. But I do stare a lot. And I always listen and act interested when someone I like talks to me. And I smile a lot when he�s around or when I know he�s looking my way. Sometimes, when I�m feeling all confident for whatever reason, I drop hints and finish it off with a grin which makes him smile back at me with a big question mark on his face. Oh and he�s probably the only person on the planet who still doesn�t know I like him.
As a guy I can honestly tell you that we are too stupid to notice any of the wonderful things you girls do for us. Don't be offended if we don't notice your hair or your makeup... just be patient and direct. Tell a guy straight up if you like him!
If a girl likes you, she will tease you, smile when she greets you, talk to people about you, (even if it's something small), go in for a hug when she is leaving or greeting you, (sometimes), smile and glance down while smiling or looking into your eyes, and remember, for guys and girls -- a person's pupils dilate when they see something they like. So even though it's hard to notice, try and see. If they look at you and that black spot in their eyes gets bigger, BINGO! (Unless you have like 3 heads or something...!) Blushing around you is also a dead giveaway.
I'll give some advice here because I've had strange luck with guys. I'm not your typical girl yet somehow I consistently manage to attract the guys that other girls struggle to be noticed by. So I'm going to remark based on this perspective.
How do you find out if this guy is interested? Test the water. Casually divulge your interests/opinions to see if they are willing to connect with you on something. Don't play dumb all of the time, either. Show you're able to have good opinions and make it funny if you can. Raunchiness is a good substitute for creativity if you can't think of anything at the moment (it also helps to have knowledge in a typically "male" topic...I usually choose gaming because I've been a gamer for most of my life). With this stage set, often times an interested guy will single you out. But you have to be careful. They may single you out as someone who truly intrigues them, or just as one of his "guy friends". It kind of depends on how much attention he gives you, but at least you've already laid fertile ground for you to get to know each other in the future.
Light teasing is also a really good indicator, I find. If he's willing to play that game with you then it's probably a good sign.
This is worth reiterating: eye contact. Use it and abuse it, and keep an eye out for reciprocation. Yay for puns.
Very general I know, and this won't work for everybody. Good day and good luck.
I kinda tease him a lot. Try to make him feel comfy around me (unfortunately, this often results in the "Oh no, you're like a sister to me" comment, but hey.) I like to crack jokes...and find every excuse I can to hang out with him...Like, "Hey man, I'm bored. Come over," and, "My friend is playing at this place. Want to go?" Ya, usually they have no clue, or too much of one. And if I like the guy, I will usually ask him for some advice on guys. Last time I asked, "So how do you know if a guy likes you?"
A quick word on flirting for all you young lovers out there. When I was a kid I had no idea what flirting was...the only thing I knew was that when guys did it they looked cool and confident and girls seemed to like them more than me (a horribly shy and inclusive man-cub). But over the years I have grown out of all that silliness. Here is a little guide to help you out.
Use flirting as a tool. Question: You want to know (need to know) if that girl is interested in you, right? Then flirting is the tool for you, because:
- You won't get hurt.
- She won't get hurt.
- You'll have your answer.
Flirting is just a conversation. All you have to do is talk, listen, respond. Don't forget the listen part and don't forget to breathe.
While flirting if you notice that the girl is smiling, if she is giving you eye contact, if she is facing toward you, if she is trying to further the conversation--congratulations! However, If she responds with one word answers--pack your bags. If she looks around aimlessly--pack your bags. If she will not smile, sorry my friend--pack your bags. And after your bags are packed heave a sigh of relief because guess what? IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY! because you were JUST flirting. It's not like you offered her your love and limb and life...no, no my compadre, you see flirting gives both participants an easy OUT. A way out, without the shame of rejection.
Now buck up, get 3 more topics, and move onto crush #2.
This is in response to the girl who posted on Part VI (the current page).
"Example: there's this one guy I liked but couldn't tell how he felt, so I finally just told him I liked him, then asked him how he felt...and he said, "I don't know." Please translate, because if you liked someone or not, you'd just say yes or no, right?"Translation: HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. RUN AWAY! FAR AWAY!
I'm going to let you in on why men say 'I don't know'. Men THINK they say 'I don't know' as a way of protecting the woman from the horror or rejection. They THINK they are helping the woman by easing their agony. You see deep down all men want to be a hero. We are raised on the myth that heros fix things. So would a hero hurt the girl who just bared her soul to him? No, the hero would fix the situation.
I know, ladies, the mentality is idiotic.
Personally, I tell a girl my exact feelings. If she want to know the reasons, I will share with her the reasons, with utter abandon. Ironically--I find that by giving her truth it empowers the girl. It gives her the power to disagree, to reassert herself, to defend, to move on with finality. Sometimes I get slapped. I love it!
If men truly want to ease the girls pain they would get off that lame 'I don't know' horse and just stick to the truth.
If I like somebody I make it a point to notice details about the other person. I make the effort to burn an image of her in the back of my brain. When she is looking at me I give full eye contact. When she is not...then the party begins. My eyes roam like a little stray lambs (I try to be discreet). Details. The eye contact is not as important as learning the color, the length of her lashes, the luminescence, the intensity. Is there any passion in there? Or the complexion of her skin. I try to make some kind of excuse to get around her so I can smell her hair.
All of this is done under the guise of small talk. I'll flirt with anybody--for me sexual interest doesn't matter. (I like to be fair and not leave people out of conversations especially if they are brave enough to come at me first.)
My problem is subtlety. I'm too subtle. I have this fantasy that somebody out there will read the little clues I leave...but in reality I think many women (not all) are relieved by the security of a man making a decisive first move.
Guys... if you're crushing on a shy girl:
- Don't ignore her. If she likes you, and she's not talking to you, and you don't talk to her... It's because she feels like you don't want her around. Just say "hi" or bring something up. You don't have to say much at first, but keep up a conversation and she'll open up to you! ;)
- I can't stress this enough. Do not go to a dance and slow/freak dance with any other girls. If you're trying to make a shy girl jealous, it won't work. You'll just hurt her feelings unto the point where she wants to weep. It's not coo'.
- To tell if she likes you: You or your friends catch her staring at you for a few seconds, she blushes a lot around you, she uses a very deep or girly tone when you talk, she doesn't talk to you but stares, she compliments on how much of a sweet guy you are, etc... Oh, and if she'll e-mail you a lot, but won't talk to you a lot in person, she's really shy and that's the way she thinks that she can get through to you. Oh, and if you're talking and you smile at her/look her in the eye, she'll look down or away fairly quick. That's a sure sign she's shy and likes you.
-- Just be yourself and be sweet, and for goodness sakes, talk to her --
I happen to be a very shy girl. Take this advice, guys. If a shy girl takes interest in you, if she looks at you many times, but not for very long, it's because she's afraid you'll look up and think it's creepy. Oh, and just go up to her and say hi for goodness sakes! If she's shy, you should start a conversation, and after a while she'll open up to you. I can't get my guy to do this, but oh, I wish he would!
I want to (go on a) date with this girl (we've been flirting with each other and one of us has to make the first move)...here's what I do.
Find out who her friends are (assuming she has friends) and become friends/buddies with them. I then ask her and her friends if they want to go somewhere (a theme park, beach, carnival, school event, etc.) If they accept my offer, then I make plans on when to go (since I proposed the idea). If things go well (with my crush), we can ditch the group and meet up later. If it doesn't work out between my date/crush, then it's A-OK because at least I came out with some new friends!!!
Have fun and express yourself. Don't pretend to be someone you aren't. Laugh. Have fun! Talk to people! Around all the guys who liked me, I acted cocky, silly, and happy. Don't be afraid to touch them. Talk to them. Be their friend but at the same time be a little flirty. Hard to get never works!!!! It will just make a guy think you don't like him, hence he will think you are a bitch.
Well, I'm a guy and here's a tip for the girls out there: if you like some guy, make it obvious for him, cause most guys are too stupid to read all your signs.
From what experience I have there are many important things: eye contact (don't come off as creepy), be yourself (if she falls in love with who you aren't, that'll cause a problem), pay attention and smile (put him/her at ease). Something that works really well is to use their name, this puts him/her off his/her alert mode and allows him/her to get to know you better (don't overuse it, use it in the first or second sentence, a few intimate or emotional sentences, and the ending sentence perhaps).
When I'm with/by a guy I like I usually make eye contact with him and smile. If he is shy, embarrassed, or smiles back, he likes you. I also smile and laugh a lot to show I am a fun person to be with. You should try to dress and act your best, but mostly be yourself. If he really likes you, he will like you for you.
I would make it simple. I would ask around about him. Depending on where he works, etc. see how much info I can gather up. Then, I would walk up to him, introduce myself. Start a conversation from there. I'll see if we have anything in common. If so, then I'll ask him if he would like to go with me. Depending on what it is, exactly. But I wouldn't wait too long because some other female might come along and ask him stright out on a date. Then, I'm the loser. So ladies know that, you can't wait around for a man to ask you all the time. We women have to do the asking these days. It's all right. It doesn't mean that you're some sort of slut for asking. You know what you want, and you're going for it. I do it all the time, and I haven't been turned down once. (Ok, maybe once or twice. But that's it. It was in 1990, and I haven't been turned down anymore after that. By the way, I'm a Janet Jackson lookalike.)
Heya
I get a lot of attention from boys, I always act confidently even though I am the most shyest person ever. There was this lad I liked, and even though I felt like I wanted to puke I was that nervous around him, I always acted really confident and within a month I had pulled!!! Also, I would say tease the lad, but not to a point of being nasty. Lads like different things but all lads like confidence. Also if you like a guy, just go for it...all he can say is no.
As a dude, I find too much eye contact tedious and stupid. Especially if some chick thinks she can persuade me to like her just by looking into my eyes. Eye contact is good to begin with but no dude is gonna waste his time making gooey eyes with someone for too long.
Firstly, she must be hot and know she is, otherwise she would appear to have low self-esteem. And no dude wants some whiney-ass bitch as a girlfriend.
Secondly, her flirting should be outrageously over the top - including plenty of sexual innuendo. Which is both amusing and sexy.
In my experience with guys, my only tip is to just be yourself! It's a lot easier then trying to be someone you're not just to impress a guy. If he's the one for you, he'll like you for you.
This is a good way of flirting, and getting a guy: just look straight into his eyes and smile a lot, and be (or at least pretend to be) interested in what he has to say. After that, when you are alone, tell him how you feel, this prolly works with normal confident guys , but its rather useless with cute shy guys, which unfortunately are the guys that I'm mostly attracted to. Good luck!
I like to look at my crush and smile a lot, if he's working in the direction I'm walking to, I'll smile and walk his way but then I'll turn away. Play hard to get. I also make sure that he sees every guy in the work place that likes me talking to me. It makes him want you A LOT more. Play unattainable and eventually you'll get what you want.
I've liked this guy Tim for the past 3 years, last year I told him how I felt and we were together on and off for awhile b/c I had sports and no free time. So over the summer I went to California on the total opposite end of the US and didn't get to talk to him as much as I would have liked to. I changed a lot I will admit and I care about my looks a lot more.
When school started up again I didn't have any classes with Tim and was kinda bummed about that. I saw him in the hall but didn't say hi and he didn't say hi to me. Now 5 months later we still haven't spoken a word to each other. It's so weird that just last year we were telling each other how much we cared for each other. I still really like him and I think that he still may like me b/c he always stares at me at lunch. I wish I could talk to him but it's been 5 months and randomly talking to him would be so awkward. What should I do... does he still like me... should I still like him?
Well my advice is this....2 all yall girlz out there; if the guy is constantly staring at you then,duh, he must like you or he's flirting. Here's some other tips: if a guy argues wit you in a playful way, if a guy like touches your knee when you're talking, or if he keeps smiling at you...trust me, I have 3 boyz straight starin' at me, tryin' to start somethin wit me, and touchin' me every time we talk. I even asked all 3 of them if they like me, and they all said yes. They all asked me out but I haven't answered any of them...
My secret is to be myself around him and just try to be friends or laugh at what he says! It always works for me!
