Due to the volume of responses I receive, I am unable to...um, not really. I'm sure I'll have more than enough time to mull over your question.

Today's Column: How to flirt with guys.


Dear Chloe,

How do I flirt with guys?




Dear Shorty,

I'm not an expert on flirting, so this week I got some help from Dr. John Gray. Yeah, that Mars and Venus guy. Yes, I did learn some things from him and so what? He wrote a book on relationships and I didn't.

Most anything can be flirting, as long as you are receptive and responsive but not desperate. A guy should feel that you are open to finding out if you like him. It's very similar to shopping, actually. You're free to try things on with no obligation to buy.

Here are some examples of definite flirting signals. Some of these are pretty goofy but I've included them just in case they may be helpful.

Before you've met:

  1. Smile and make eye contact for a few seconds, then look away. Somehow that look must give the impression that you might be interested.
  2. Bat your eyelids. (The hell?)
  3. Tilt your head.
  4. Get up and walk by him. That's his cue to notice and approach you.
  5. Make eye contact, then look away for ten seconds to give him some time to check out the goods. Look back with a smile, which may encourage him to introduce himself.
  6. Brush up against him and make a cute little noise like "Oh" that says, "I didn't mean to touch you but I'm glad I did."
After you've spoken:
  1. Casually touch his hand. Keep smiling at him. It also helps if you pay attention to him.
  2. Touch his shoulder or his leg above the knee while you make a point. After lifting your hand, pause as if you've experienced an unexpected and delightful spark of connection.
  3. Be playfully argumentative or challenge his point of view in a way that says "We don't always have to agree but I like you anyway. I am stimulated by what you say."
  4. Ask him to carry something or help you in some way. While he is helping you take a deep breath and relax on the exhale, to show your appreciation.
  5. Ask a question and playfully revel in his brilliance. How you do this without making fun of him I couldn't say.
  6. At the end of the date, look him in the eye, tilt your head and smile, raising your chin slightly. This is universally recognized as "Kiss me, you fool!"
It's really not that hard. You have to express your interest so that he has clear signs that if he pursues you he will make progress. Not all guys have the stomach for pursuing someone who plays hard to get. Another good thing to do is to mirror his body language, which will send the message that you're relating to him. Example: taking a sip of your drink when he takes a sip from his.

You can make it easier for a guy to approach you. If you're with a group, separate yourself from your friends so he has an opportunity to introduce himself. Nobody wants to get shot down by six women. It's also less intimidating if you're moving around the room, as opposed to taking root on a couch. Good luck!

Hugs and kisses,


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences.

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