Chloe's so sorry she's waaay behind with her column. Unfortunately, she gets too many questions to answer each one. Chances are someone has already asked the same or a similar question, so check the archives or "How to Tell if Someone Likes You."

Today's Column: Hot guy turns cold, my best friend is crushing on my boyfriend, shy guys, a casual relationship sours, my boyfriend flirts in front of me.


Dear Chloe,

I have been going out with this guy for a little over a month, usually he's so sweet and adorable it's unbelievable, but once in a while he's different and isn't as adorable. Sometimes I think he wants to break up but when I start to think that he notices and I guess he realizes how he's been acting and is sweeter then ever.

What do I do when he starts to act like this?




Dear K,

I know a lot of people snicker at John Gray, the Mars/Venus guy, but I found a lot of helpful information in his book. And according to JG, Ph.D., men are like rubber bands.

Rubber bands? You betcha. A guy will be all affectionate one day, and cool the next. They'll distance themselves, but like rubber bands they won't quite break, and eventually they remember how great you are and snap back. It's maddening, isn't it?

What I used to do is go with the flow. When he backs away, just shrug it off and don't fret about it. Know that he's going to miss you and come back. Eventually, the periods of this snapping back and forth should lessen. And don't bother asking him "what's wrong." For some reason guys hate that, and they'll deny that anything's wrong, anyway.


Dear Chloe,

Well, you see, my best friend has a crush on my boyfriend. Whenever he's around she can't quit talking to him. He tries to talk to me, but she always gets in the way. She's a nice person, really, but sometimes she gets in over her head. Ever since she found out he's my boyfriend, she's been acting really...I don't know...different, and whenever he talks to me, she always butts into our business and eavesdrops. What am I supposed to do?! Because I really love him, but my friend always gets in the way! I need help!


Confused Friend


Dear Con,

This story is nothing new. You'll probably have to tell her that she's interfering with your relationship, and not in a good way. If that doesn't work, your boyfriend could tell her gently but firmly, "Excuse me, Jenny, but I'm trying to speak with my girlfriend. Will you excuse us, please?"

Try to have a little compassion for her, I'm sure it's very hard for her. (It seems like you do.) But just because she's your best friend today, doesn't mean she has to be your best friend forever. If she continues to be a pest, I'd stop inviting her to spend time with you and your boyfriend.


Dear Chloe,

Hi, I am an extremely shy 15 year old sophmore guy. I rarely have conversations with girls and wouldn't know what to say if I did. There is one freshman girl that I really would like to go out with. I have never talked to her and really need advice to know what to say. I don't know why it is so hard for me. I think I would have a chance to go out with her. I just need the confidence, and to know how to approach her and what and how to ask her.




Dear Chris,

Yeah, I know. Everyone wants to go out with some hottie they've never spoken with but if they just knew the magic words, they'd get over their shyness and get what they want. But shy guys never get the girls if they're too afraid to make a move.

There is no magic spell. If you want to ask someone out you have to take a risk or two. And approaching a stranger rarely works.

Do a little detective work and find out what she's interested in, or what afterschool clubs she may be a member of. Then join one. Now you've got something to talk about, you're doing something you both enjoy and you've got some common ground. Plus now you've got the opportunity to show her what a great guy you are, with a lot less pressure. When you're trying to start a conversation with someone you don't know, it's easiest to find things to talk about in context with what you're doing at the moment. Once you feel more comfortable, you can branch out to other subjects.


Dear Chloe,

I'm in my early 30s, and recently had a casual relationship ‘take a step back’ because the woman I was with started to sense I was becoming attached (She was right!).

Both of us are recently out of long-term relationships, but I am certain she is still dealing with feelings for her ex (3 months removed). I also sense a general fear of commitment on her end which she has admitted. Combined, these two facts have created a rather large panic button on her which I have only recently discovered.

Unfortunately, I discovered the button by pressing for more time together, making her run. Our last conversation was with her telling me not to call, and that she would call when she was ready. She also told me that she didn’t expect me to wait for her. Which begs me to ask, wait for what?

To me, that is an admission that she has developed some feelings for me (which she has suggested in the past).

So, where am I at? Losing sleep, frustrated, and thinking “how did this big of a mess form in just two months?!” I am giving her the time and space she asked for, but my impulses are saying not to let her slip away.

I am not sure what I should do because:

1. I worry that she will find another casual partner. 2. I worry that I lost the chance to have a friendship. 3. I worry that I threw the baby out with the bathwater by pressing for a relationship that was never there (although I think the potential is there).

In the end, she was very absolute with taking a step back. No phone calls, no lunches, etc. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. However, I feel this places me in a situation where she very well might forget about me. It just feels abrupt, and has left me out on a limb.

What should I do? What should I expect from her?




Dear j,

Ah, yes. The "Casual relationship takes a turn for the serious and collapses" sob story. There's not much you can do. You broke the rule, which usually happens, so she bounced, which usually happens. And three months out of a long-term relationship, she probably isn't ready for more anyway.

She's been clear that you can't expect anything from her. She may find another casual partner, there's really nothing you can do about that. And how can you be friends with someone when, let's face it, you're basically using each other?

Don't beat yourself up about pressing for a relationship. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want! She just wasn't ready and she might never be. Personally, I think she did you a favor by bailing now than later. Because she would have. Who knows how long she's going to be a head case?

You could try writing her a letter, but don't expect anything.


Dear Chloe,

My boyfriend is taking one of those big auditorium style classes and he invited me to join him. I've been attending for a few months now. There is this pretty blonde that sits in front of us and he and she chat occasionally, along with another guy, about the class. But I feel that sometimes my bf asks her questions just so he can talk to her - (He asked her if they had school last week, even though I was with him when he made doubly sure that they did not in fact, have school that week.) He always touches her when he asks a question or makes a comment, and it's not a simple tap on the shoulder, it's more like a nudge on the arm which lasts longer than necessary. It's not like he taps the guy whenever he has a question. And he often leans over when he's chatting to the girl and the guy and he'll have his elbow on her chair and it looks like he makes it a point to remain in physical contact with her. They've never talked about anything other than class stuff and I AM sitting right there..but I feel like he's flirting with this girl. I've also noticed he tries to be funny (which he is not) and he talks louder than usual sometimes. Is he flirting or am I just being overly critical? Help!




Dear Ann,

Yeah, he's flirting. I can see how it annoys you, but it seems pretty harmless.

I mean, he invited you to the class, and they're only talking about the class. As long as it doesn't go any further, I wouldn't worry about it. Don't sit and steam, just try to blow it off. Since you've been attending the lecture, join in the conversation, or ask the guy a question or two, yourself. We all have to deal with the fact that our guys are going to be attracted to other women. Especially blonde women.

Hugs and kisses,


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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