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Chloe's so sorry she's waaay behind with her column. Unfortunately, she gets too many questions to answer each one. Chances are someone has already asked the same or a similar question, so check the archives or "How to Tell if Someone Likes You."

Today's Column: Mean geeks, stay friends or make a move, marriage doldrums, inscrutable girls, falling for the best friend.


Dear Chloe,

I really like this guy who all my friends think is a geek. I asked him if he wanted to go out with me but he said that he liked another girl. Well he wanted to be friends so we are. But just the other day he said that I was ugly and that is why he wouldn't go out with me. He made me cry. I don't know what to do. Can you help?




Dear randy,

I'm sorry this guy turned out to be a jerk. I can't imagine why he told you that, but if I were you I would distance myself from that loser. Being mean is definitely grounds for dismissal.


Dear Chloe,

There's this guy at my school who likes me, (and I found out through mutual friends) and the friends know that I like him. Sometimes, I think he knows that I like him, but neither of us are making any sort of move towards each other. My friends keep pushing us to ask one another out, but I'm not ready, and he's not ready. Is it better to stay as good friends for a while?



Mega Book Bug


Dear MBB,

Sure, unless you're avoiding making a move altogether. If you keep stonewalling there is the good chance that one or both of you will get sucked into "The Buddy Zone," and then it will be too late.

So ask yourself, are you really not ready?


Dear Chloe,

I find myself in a similar situation as the above 'confused.' I have only been married a year and a half. My husband and I have never had a powerful sexual relationship and we find it hard to find things in common.

The person I have been extramaritally involved with is a coworker. He and I met shortly before I got married. He is married, as well. We became the best of friends and suddenly (about a month ago) found ourselves kissing and then in a tumultuous affair that has brought both of us a lot of happiness and pain. I feel that I am in love with this person that I laugh with all the time, am totally honest with, and have powerhouse sex with.

Two days ago, I told him that I had to end it because it had become too hard and that I had fallen for him. He says he doesn't know what he wants. Of course. Where do I go from here? I do love my husband, but it is more as a best friend, not as a lover. How can one ever know who the right person is?


conflicted cat


Dear cc,

You are not going to find out by engaging in extracurricular activities. Give yourself some alone time to decide whether the bedroom sitch with your husband is a deal-breaker. Marriage involves a lot of compromises, and there are things you can do to jazz up the sex. Read a book or two, or visit an adult store.

Of course your lover was exciting. It was a fantasy that you didn't have to live with. But you should know by now that those feelings don't last forever. Devote a little more attention to your husband. Perhaps if you "pretend" to have those feelings for him, something may ignite and surprise you.


Dear Chloe,

There is this girl I've been talking to for a couple of months and I've really started to like her. She flirts with me sometimes, but sometimes she seems to ignore me. I finally got up the courage to tell her that I like her. I said "I know you probably don't feel the same way, but I really like you." Her response was "That's awesome. Seriously, you're such a cool guy when you talk." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean. Does she like me or not? Thanks for your help.




Dear f,

Your guess is as good as mine, but to be honest, it doesn't sound that encouraging. If she likes you when you talk, talk more. Start by asking her out. Also, when you're telling a girl you like her, leave out the "I know you probably don't feel the same way," part. Chicks like confidence.


Dear Chloe,

Why is it that men always fall in love with their best friends? But women never do the same? I've recently fallen for one of my best friends, but I'd never know how to tell her. I love her deeply, as she is the best friend I've ever had, but I'm not quite sure if I love her intimately, or if she feels the same. She sends me all kinds of crazy, mixed-up signals, many of which would constitute as flirting for most people, but I can't tell if she is actually flirting or if she is just so comfortable with me that she feels she can do these things openly around me. Why are male-female friendships so confusing?




Dear P,

First of all, that's not true -- girls often fall for their best friends. I've said this before, but it bears repeating: girls usually aren't attracted to a guy until after they've discovered a little bit about him. They'll be hanging out with a guy, and all of sudden, they'll be all, "Hey, JJ is really cute! How come I never noticed that before?" That's how I am, every time.

So it behooves guys to make friends with girls first. The best relationships start as friendships. You know the good and can deal with the bad. She's sending mixed signals because she's confused as well. Everyone worries that if they take the friendship further, things may not work out and then they'll lose their best friend. Sure it's a risk, but in cases like this the odds are in your favor. I always think it's better to go for it than to wonder what could have been. Good luck!

Hugs and kisses,


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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