Chloe's so sorry she's waaay behind with her column. Unfortunately, she gets too many questions to answer each one. Chances are someone has already asked the same or a similar question, so check the archives or "How to Tell if Someone Likes You."

Today's Column: Another double length column! Married and fooling around, when jealousy rears its head, lackluster relationships, a reader shares her wisdom, dating your best friend's ex, and more.


Dear Chloe,

I've been working at the same job for 3 years. Nine months ago this new guy was hired. At the time, I was pregnant with my first child. We never talked, just "Hello," and "Goodbye." Then I went on maternity leave and when I came back, all of a sudden we started talking and I noticed we had a lot in common. But due to the fact that I am married I never told him or anybody that I liked him. We also exchanged cell numbers and we used to talk all the time.

One day after work, a couple of coworkers (including HIM) and me, went for drinks. We started talking and he told me he found me sexy...that really turned me on, and all of a sudden he kissed me. I asked him why, and he couldn't respond, and then we made out intensely. I told him to call me the next day to talk about it and see what's gonna happen...but he never did. And when I told him, how I felt about him, he told me he doesn't want to come between me and my husband, and we left it like that...Sometimes I catch him looking at me, and giving me looks which I don't know what they mean. My question is why did he kiss me if he didn't want to have anything with me? What was the purpose of it, did he ever like me or what??? And why did he turn me down???


Greek Goddess


Dear Greek,


He kissed you because he could. He's attracted to you, he may even like you, (although he never said he did, according to your letter) but he knows nothing can come of it because you are, what's the word I'm looking for, MARRIED! With a NEWBORN!


It's natural and normal to get crushes on people we see every day. Anything that adds a little spice to your average boring workday is great. But to pursue something that can't be pursued, to risk your marriage and family for a doomed crush is, what's the word I'm looking for, MORONIC! Who cares why he didn't call? For the sake of your child, please get the rocks out of your head and GROW UP.


Dear Chloe,

My cousin and I have been going to a local restaurant for about six months and have two regular waitresses that serve us. We have noticed that they go outside for a smoke every time we leave. Are we making them nervous?




Dear Jay,

Er, what?

I would doubt it, as waitresses have to deal with lots of annoying people on a daily basis. Sort of like advice columnists.


Dear Chloe,

I am finding it very hard to get over my boyfriend. I moved away and feel very lonely and depressed. I'm only 19 and want to enjoy my youth but I'm finding it very hard. Please help




Dear Siob,

There's really no way to avoid the bad feelings when a relationship ends, you just kinda have to deal with the sadness and suck it up. Eventually though, you're gonna want to come out of your shell. You have to fight the loneliness and depression. The first step is to change your thinking. I know it's cliched, but you do have control over your thoughts. Find yourself a new hobby to get past feeling sorry for yourself. Get involved with something outside of yourself.


Dear Chloe,

It's true that they all say that if you like someone you should tell them before it's too late, but sometimes you have to make the right choice to tell or not. I heard that if a girl tells a guy that she likes him, and he wanted to know for sure, he would do something the girl wouldn't like. I don't know if that's true but it doesn't mean it's not a mistake, it's something you have to learn to do.Like, telling the guy you like him, but if he turns you down, don't worry, at least you tried.

One day he's going to figure out that he made a mistake. Some guys only date the girls that they think are pretty and if you wear big glasses or you're overweight etc... then they wouldn't like you. But they're missing the whole point to like YOU for YOU. You shouldn't care what they say or do to you if they don't like you, and I know what I'm talking about because I'm a girl and I have a lot of guy friends. They're very nice people and they like girls for who they are.

So don't go running off being some one you're not just because some guy didn't like who you were and now you're changing your personality just to get the guy you liked. You have to remember to accept and respect who you are before you respect someone else. Because for all the girls who have a problem getting a guy, or liking some guy who doesn't like her and she wants to change, DON'T, cause you're not the only one. As I said, I'm a girl, too, I like someone and so does he. That's why you should start off being friends and move on to the next step. That's exactly what I did. Don't worry and be yourself and to remember there's always more than just one guy.

Peace out!


Kewl Jenny


Dear Kewl,

Thanks for the great commentary!


Dear Chloe,

Hey, I'm a tenth grader and I have a serious question. I have a girlfriend and we've been dating for nine months and I believe that I really do love her a lot. We always spend time together, on weekends, and even some school nights. But there are these two boys who I've asked her not to talk to, she said she understood and that she wouldn't but she still does. She doesn't tell me, her friends do. It seems like she has a crush on them but how can I tell if she does or not? She says she's not interested in them, but when they walk by it seems like she's always watching them or staring at them and it makes me really upset. What are some signs on how to tell if either she's lying to me or she really does like them. Please help, I don't know what to do.


Lil Superman


Dear Lil,

It's a bit tricky to tell your girlfriend (or anyone) not to talk to a friend, because regardless of what she says, she's going to talk to him. I don't think you have the right to do that, as her boyfriend, anyway. But I think the real problem is that you don't know if you can trust her or not. And it doesn't help that she's not respecting your wishes.

Has she given you any reason, other than talking to them, that she can't be trusted? You may be making more of this than it is. Maybe she really isn't interested in them. You can't expect when you're with someone that she isn't going to be attracted to any other guys. I'm sure you're attracted to lots of other girls.

But here's how I would handle it. First, I would decide whether her talking to those guys is a dealbreaker for you. I mean, you're in tenth grade and you have a lot of dating years ahead of you. Then you have a talk with her, and you let her know how much this situation bothers you. If you've decided that this is a dealbreaker, you have to be ready to walk if she continues to talk to them. Otherwise you'll just have to deal.


Dear Chloe,

So I have a girlfriend, and we've lived together for almost 3 years. When I first met her, I thought she was an idiot, but she dressed very sexy and when she showed an interest I thought I'd give it a try. Shortly after that, we became very intimately involved and the situation sorta just lasted until now. I am comfortable, although I just don't feel the sort of love that I should. I met this other girl and I've only spoken to her a little but I could see myself easily loving her much more than my current girlfriend. Is this normal?

What happens if I break up with my girlfriend because I think there are better girls out there? Then, say, by some miracle, I do find a better girl? Am I likely to break up with her for an even better girl? What if this goes on forever and when I'm 70 I have the most perfect woman in the world and I dump her cold cause the grass is just plain greener on the other side of the fence?

The reason I'm so confused on this is that my current girlfriend and I have really gotten comfortable with each other and our relationship is about a million times better than several married friends of mine. (Mostly family) Anyhow, I don't want to be an ass and leave her for another woman cause I'm afraid that'll just make me prone to leaving for better women. But I don't really think our relationship could ever be as good as it should be. There are just certain things about her that bug the hell out of me. I've learned to be comfortable with them as we live together but they don't get less annoying. We rarely fight which is nice and when we do we can resolve it quickly like less than an hour of being mad. This is nice as when we first started going out, it was crazy fighting. Nothing physica,l of course, but heated emotions galore. Anyhow, one other thing is that she's really my first steady sexual partner and my first real long term relationship. We started going out when I was 19. I'm 22 now and slightly more mature so I think that might be playing a role in how I feel these days as well. She's 20 now. This is a book so I'll end it now. Thanks for your help.




Dear Jonathan,

It wouldn't be a bad thing for you to break up. You're not happy. Do you even like her? Let's see, what's in her plus column: sexy dresser. That seems to be it. And you're comfortable and too lazy to find someone else you'd rather be with. Dude, it was doomed from the start. And I've got news for you. The whole point of breaking up is to find someone better. The fact that you stayed with her for three boring years tells me that you're not a serial-breaker-upper. You're just looking for an excuse to stay comfortable. You've lost three years of your life already, get the hell out!


Dear Chloe,

I really, really like this guy. From a friend, I found out that he likes me too and even wants to ask me out. The problem is, he has done drugs and hangs out with the wrong people. I am the TOTAL opposite, but besides that, our personalities are very similar. I don't want to be with people with lower morals than me but I REALLY like him. Should I be with him or not?


True Blue


Dear True,

The bad boy thing never works out. If he's willing to change the crowd he's with to be with you, then give it a shot. Otherwise, he's just going to drag you down with him.


Dear Chloe,

Hi there! This guy really likes me and I'm beginning to like him, too, but he has a longtime, long distance girlfriend. Finally, they are both in the same country at the same time. He did not spend much time with her, considering they're not together for a long time. In fact, after spending a few days together, he left her in the city and went to the province and spent his vacation there, including a weekend with me and our colleagues (nothing fancy happened). His girlfriend requested that he come back to the city but he decided to stay in the province. A day never ends without us sending SMS, just updating each other's activities for the day...What could he be thinking? Is he confused? Is he considering to pursue me?

Your thoughts will be very much appreciated.

Thanks a lot and more power!




Dear Peanut,

Sure, he's considering pursuing you but he seems to have forgotten to break up with his girlfriend first. I don't care for the spineless way he's treating her, either. If I were you, I'd make sure he took care of that somewhat important detail before I did any more SMSing with him, (whatever that is).


Dear Chloe,

What do I do about my best friend who likes my girlfriend? At first they went out and she hated it but it made him fall in love with her. She broke up with him about six months ago and he still hasn't gotten over her. He tries to flirt with her all of the time and he is obsessed with her. We have told him to back off and that she would never like him again multiple times, he still won't stop. He hasn't accepted that I and my girlfriend are going out, we like each other very much, and that she would never go back to him. What do I do to stop this?




Dear Racer,

You make your best friend into an ex-best friend. When you decided to date his ex-girlfriend you didn't think that you would be able to remain friends, did you?


Dear Chloe,

I work in a D-Donuts and this girl comes in for lunch with her friends and always smiles really big when I say hi.She can barely say anything to me but a shy "Hi!" Now a friend of hers told me that she liked me, and asked me if I were single. I was kind of scared to ask her out, not because I'm shy, but because I'm dark-skinned and she's blonde and attractive. My ex was blonde and her parents hated me because of my skin color and made us break up after they found out we were going out for 6 months. I'm scared for this to happen again. I think since I have not made a move, that she lost some interest in me and although she still comes to my job, the smiles are not as big and the shyness is gone. Does she still like me or has she lost interest? I think I'm about to take the risk and give it a shot and ask her out.Do you think she knows I like her because I always wave and say hi? If not, can I spark her up again to like me?




Dear Chris,

I keep saying that the only way to tell for sure if someone likes you is if you ask her out AND she says yes. Forget about what happened in the past, with your ex's stupid parents. Just go for it. Girls definitely get disappointed when a guy doesn't make a move, she may think that you're not interested so she's trying to act like she's no longer interested. And if you wait too long, she may indeed lose interest. Just stop thinking about it and do it!

Hugs and kisses,


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Disclaimer: This column is for entertainment purposes only. I am not a professional therapist or licensed anything for that matter. But that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I reserve the right to edit for grammar, brevity, content, etc. If you'd like to discuss something you've seen here, I invite you to share your experiences. Don't keep it a secret! I welcome your comments.

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