Our story begins with a beautiful young princess (that'd be me) and a fateful call to tech support regarding a WebTV unit on the blink. This story is embarrassing for many reasons: one, I dated Fat Andy, and Two, I owned a WebTV. It gets worse. Read on, oh brave ones.
Fat Andy wasn't really fat when I met him. He was a strapping young man, about six foot two with a football player's build and dirty blond hair. Most would even consider him attractive. Fat Andy (I will get to the reason behind the nickname later) had been single for a few months and working as a tech support...tech for a while to pass the days and make a few bucks. A fellow coworker by the name of Gypsy (did you think I'd use her name?) had eyes for Not Yet Fat Andy and was putting the moves on him.
Until I entered the picture. I lived three thousand miles away from Andy and Gypsy, in a town some people call New York. I'd bought a WebTV (don't ask) and found out soon enough that it was a piece of crap. My call to tech support connected me to Andy and thus our strange affair began.
We "dated" long distance for a few months, much to Gypsy's chagrin. Finally I travelled out to meet Andy. He encouraged me to apply for work at WebTV and I was hired. Everything was moving so fast, I didn't have time to think about much of anything.
You can see the problem, can't you? I worked in an office with Andy and Gypsy. Gypsy was still enamored of Andy and I was like a third wheel. Andy made it seem I was the wheel he wanted, but it became clear within a matter of days that Andy, nor his venomous friends appreciated my existence. Considering Andy had asked me to come out for a while, I was mighty puzzled. Where was the guy who told me how he loved poetry and astronomy? The thinker, the romantic, the teddy bear? He had taken a bullet train to Pakistan. In his place was a self absorbed bastard who cheated on me and allowed his friends to tear me apart at every turn. The horror.
Why did I not just pack up and go? Why, you don't think I'd give them the satisfaction, do you? No, I stayed. And I suffered. I do wonder if it was wise to stay, but since it's water under the bridge I try not to think about it. In any case, there I was. And there Andy was. With Gypsy. She'd dug her claws in and stolen him. Not that he was all that precious, but we're talking emotional attachment here. That and he was the only soul I knew within oh, about three thousand miles in every direction.
I was slowly excluded from his life and his group. He eventually moved in with Gypsy and began gaining weight. What was she feeding him? When they weren't eating they were visiting Bondage A Go Go. He was always quite submissive actually, a trait I never found attractive in a man. I did the only thing I could do. I started dating one of his most loyal and trusted friends. Andy soon considered him to be disloyal and distrustful. This was the only friend who recognized the bullshit going on. People were out to get me, saying nasty things, spreading rumors, all because Andy didn't have the guts to break up with me properly. I left and took my new boyfriend with me. We're still together.
I hear that Fat Andy is now quite overweight. Everyone calls him "Fat Andy". I do feel a bit sorry for him, because it is his body after all and he can do what he wants with it. He caused me more emotional pain than any man ever has. He led me on like the bastard he was taught to be (drunken father, mother addicted to cat shows) and showed no remorse. I admit I should not have gotten involved with him in the first place. I was after all, older.
The tale ends here, with me quite content in my situation now. I can look back on this Tale of Horror and sadness and laugh. Well, maybe not laugh. Maybe feel a bit bad that it was so screwed up. I am glad I am not with Fat Andy anymore. Gypsy can have him. I hear they're going to get married. Mazeltov!
The Moral of the Story: Don't buy a WebTV.